Rules of the House
by Ho-sama
Summary: Yaoi. NaruNeji. The handsome and charming Rokudaime meets with a beautiful new member of his staff. From then on, it seems like only fun and adventure! Could it be there is also a possible romance? And what's this about an old promise? Warning: Crackfic
1. Good Afternoon Mr Hokage

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto, but if I really _did_, I would make him a sexy nineteen-year old Rokudaime and I'd put Sasuke and Neji in dresses just for kicks! J/K! LOL!11

**Pairings:** NaruNeji. I'm adding to the collection of this cute pairing.

**Warnings: **Shonen-ai/Yaoi, androgyny, and lack of plot.

**Author's Notes: **I'm writing another story, 'cuz I'm crazy like that! I just had this fun idea and I wanted to get it down. I really do love Neji, by the way. I like his predestined sucky destiny and all. It's just so cute!

* * *

**Good Afternoon Mr. Hokage**

Everyone who knows anything about the Rokudaime Hokage will know these things.

If you are a woman.

If you are within 100 yards of the Rokudaime.

You will be hit on.

It's practically office policy. Surprisingly enough, there are very few sexual harassment cases brought down to the courts each year. This is mostly likely because no one takes him seriously and everyone can rest assured that he would never take advantage of his female subordinates. He might tease, but he is still a somewhat respectable nineteen-year-old ruler.

"GAH! Sometimes I really hate this job!" the Rokudaime Hokage tossed down a stack of papers and groaned loudly. He turned to a picture placed on his desk, "Sasuke-baka! If you were still here in Konoha, I would make YOU do all of this work!"

A framed picture of a young black haired man sat silently listening to the young blonde ruler. The man in said picture was standing haughtily with his head cocked defiantly to the side. His eyes glared crimson and evil dripped out of him like invisible honey. The whole effect of the picture, however, was slightly marred by the fact that the young man was clad in a very feminine attire consisting of a white blouse with an enormous purple bow tied around his waist, complete with matching purple nails and lipstick.

This, of course, was only one of many pictures on the Hokage's desk. This picture was sometimes thrown across the room, face down, or had scribbles with black washable marker on it. Every morning the picture seemed to be back in it's original condition. Accompanying this unique photo were classic pictures such as the one of a team under a Kakashi-sensei, one of a young Rokudaime with his most beloved sensei at a ramen stand, one of the nine rookie genin, one of the newly appointed Kazekage, and many more that had been taken since then.

It was about the time of day when Uzumaki Naruto, the one and only Rokudaime Hokage, became annoyed enough from doing desk work that he called on one of his secretaries for amusement. His finger hit the call button and a buzz resounded softly in the room.

"Yes, Hokage-sama?" a sweet female voice answered obediently from the receiver.

"Nori-chan! Let's go on a date!"

"Yes, Hokage-sama. Right away!" the receiver clicked off.

Naruto pouted as he waited. Of course his requests were generally ignored, but sometimes the young secretaries would stop by anyway just to check up on him. If the Hokage was too bored he was prone to do childish things. In less then a minute there was a knock at his door.

"Come in!" Naruto called cheerfully.

Kuga Nori opened the door carefully and entered the room. She was a young woman, possibly younger than the Hokage, and she had that "sexy librarian" look about her. Her pitch black hair was fastened securely to her head and just below her stylish glasses she had a small attractive beauty mark.

"What can I do for you, Hokage-sama?" she asked.

"Oh, I don't know. Send in some clowns. I'm bored! Please, Nori-chan! I'm gonna die!"

"Hokage-sama, please don't die. That would make me _very_ unhappy if you were to die," she laughed as she walked over to the Hokage's giant desk. She pulled out a small planner as she sat down on the desk.

"Is it time to go over the schedule? I love this time of day!" Naruto cheered and sat up attentively.

Nori-chan crossed her legs on his desk and removed her glasses. Long smoky lashes framed her chocolate brown eyes. She cracked open the book and began to read the Rokudaime's various appointments.

"You have an appointment with some traders from the far side of Konoha at 2:30," she took this moment to remove her hair pin and waves of black went cascading down her back.

"Uh-huh..." Naruto listened intently as the lovely Nori-chan continued.

Somewhere down the hall a pink-haired woman was assisting a young new employee to the Hokage's office. She walked swiftly in that self-important manner as she always did. She checked her watch to make sure she was exactly on time even though that action was not necessary because she was _alway_s exactly on time. She turned to the dark-haired new blood and recited some rules and words of advice.

She knocked on the door once before entering.

"Hokage-sama!" she called.

"H-Hai, Sakura-chan?" the Hokage was busy with a charming secretary on his lap.

"Oh! It looks like our session is over. We are exactly on time for your meeting with Haruno-san at 1 PM," Nori-chan sat up from the Hokage's lap, and adjusted herself back to her working mode. It's exactly these sort of harmless things that always make the new blood nervous. Naruto chuckled cheerfully as he dismissed his secretary.

Haruno sighed.

"Naruto! You are so immature. Can't you ever be professional?" she scolded. The new employee was most certainly flushed in the face and uneasy.

"Good afternoon, Hokage-sama," the newbie bowed respectfully and incredibly long, dark, silky hair flowed over a shoulder. This new blood turned out to be quite beautiful.

"Ahh...so this is my new secretary's assistant?" Naruto walked over to the two at his door. He peered at the young lady appreciatively. "I like her."

"Naruto..." the young pink-haired girl tried to get a word in.

"Yes, I know! Sexual harassment, blah, blah, blah! I didn't say she didn't have any skills. Geez, Sakura, you don't always have to be a party-pooper." he reviewed his assistant more.

"Fine, go ahead and make a fool of yourself," she fumed silently.

This new assistant was possibly the most beautiful girl Naruto had ever laid eyes on. She was very pale, like the softest petal of a white lily. Her hair was the darkest of browns and it seemed to be under perfect care. Long uneven bangs covered her whole forehead, adding a mysterious flavor to her appearance. As soon as she cast her eyes up, it was revealed that she had opal-colored eyes.

"Hey...would you happen to be a Hyuuga? You have the very same eyes as Hinata-chan!"

"Yes..." the person answered shyly and a blush tinted her cheeks.

"Aww...you're so shy. I wonder if it runs in the family?"

"He's not shy! Naruto, don't you recognize who this is?" Sakura yelled in frustration. Naruto completely missed the "he" comment.

"Sakura!" the blonde whined, "I'm trying to get to know my employee better! You'll scare her with your bossy attitude! Come here sweetie."

Naruto tugged the employee to the side and began chatting away.

"You know I love strong women and have nothing against them being in high positions, but that doesn't mean you have to end up like Sakura. Don't worry, I'll protect you from her!" her wrapped an arm around the newbie.

"Naruto..." the mysterious employee said in embarrassment. Naruto was surprised to hear his first name from a new employee. Come to think of it, he was also surprised at how tall this young girl seemed to be.

"By the way, what's your name?"

"Hyuuga Neji. That's Hyuuga Neji you're hugging. A _man!_" Sakura steamed, her hands on her hips.

"WHAT?"

"I told you you were going to make a fool of yourself!"

"But Sakura-chan! That's a girl! I think I know a beautiful woman when I see one!"

"I-I am a man..." the Hyuuga said shyly. Naruto just stared at him in disbelief.

He stared and _stared_ until you would think crickets would begin to chirp.

"Please don't stare at me like that," the Hyuuga blushed brightly. Before he knew it, Naruto's hands were on his chest.

"Totally flat! No way!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Stop harassing Neji!" Sakura slapped Naruto upside the head and began to read off her chart, "As of today, ANBU member, Hyuuga Neji will serve as your chief body guard. Have fun, I'm leaving."

Sakura turned on her heels and left the two men alone in the Hokage's office.


	2. Never on the First Date

**Pairings:** NaruNeji

**Warnings: **More androgyny

**Author's Notes: **Haahaa...I was kinda kidding before about there being no plot. It'll come around eventually. Hopefully!

On to chapter two!

* * *

**Never on the First Date**

"ADANBON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP!"

"Hokage-sama! Hokage-sama! Please wake up!" the impeccably androgynous Neji shook his superior's shoulders vigorously.

"What! What? Who's there?" he stuttered and glanced around suspiciously, after a moments time he looked curiously at the stranger that had awoken him, "What happened?"

"Well, after Sakura-san left you told me to wait in here while you thought things out at your desk. You feel asleep and I've been waiting here for a little more than an hour," the young Hyuuga sighed softly.

"A likely story. I doubt I would be so irresponsible, lady!" the blonde scoffed, shuffling random papers on his desk with dignity. A moment of silence filled the room until Neji coughed softly.

"I'm a man. Hyuuga Neji, remember?" he reminded his air-headed companion. Naruto squinted in that foxy way of his as he stared at the other man.

"That's another story I don't quite swallow," he bored into the other man with eyes full of suspicion. The Hyuuga sighed and slumped down slightly.

"Hokage-sama...don't you remember all those times we had together?" he asked sadly.

"Yeah, I remember doing stuff with Neji. We tried to rescue Sasuke-teme, Gaara-sama, and he helped me fight when we had the war against the Sound. Neji was awesome," Naruto crossed his arms.

"You talk about me as if I wasn't in the room."

"Prove you're Neji!"

"I don't know what to say other that I'm him..." he looked off to the side, "You forgot to mention that we fought in the chunin exams. That was the first time I realized how amazing you are."

The young Hokage shifted a little uncomfortably. It was strange to receive a nice compliment from such a beautiful person. He looked at this remarkably feminine person and sighed deeply. Perhaps he was being a little harsh. If it really was Neji it would hurt his feelings for him not to remember his own face. But...Neji never looked so delicious.

"Okay...I remember that. Come 'ere, Ne-chan. I know how to tell if it's you," Naruto patted his lap and called him over as if he was a cat. Neji blushed a followed obediently. He paused a minute before sitting delicately in the Hokage's lap.

'I can't believe the embarrassing things I do for this man,' Neji thought to himself as Naruto poked and prodded his body.

"Well...You're definitely a guy..." he paused and Neji shifted slightly, looking all the more tense. Suddenly, Naruto placed his large hands both sides of Neji's face, drawing him in for closer inspection. Neji's heart pounded so hard, it seemed to be the only thing making noise in the room. "It's these sissy-looking bangs..."

The blonde looked disapprovingly at the thick bangs covering his forehead. With the palm of his hand he pushed them back against the top of his head. Naruto closed his eyes and removed his hands. It could be none other than Neji, with that cross-like marking on his forehead, permanently reminding him of his place. The marking glowed slightly green, and Neji's eyes narrowed sadly at being touched in such a sensitive area.

"I'm sorry, Neji, it really is you," Naruto patted his back for the Hyuuga to get up. Naruto was confused when the Hyuuga didn't move.

"Hokage-sama!" Neji cried and hugged the Hokage tenderly.

"What? What's wrong, Neji?"

"I've missed you so much! I haven't seen you in three years and you barely remember me!"

"Hey! That's not true...in f-fact I even personally asked for you to be my guard!" the blonde patted his back and tried to soothe the man on top of him.

"With all due respect, Hokage-sama, I know you didn't have anything to do with it. I had to apply numerous times to Konohamaru-kun just to get this position."

"Yeah! I remember that! And I slapped that boy silly for not letting you in with your good looks alone!" Naruto lied charismatically. Neji chuckled softly.

"Yeah, so chin up, Neji! Someone as pretty as you shouldn't be sad..." Naruto grinned, tapping his chin with his finger.

"You think I'm pretty?" Neji blinked.

"Sure! You make Nori-chan look like an old hag!" Naruto laughed, missing the knocks on his door.

"Hokage-sama! You're late for your 2:30 appointment!" Nori's voice yelled through the door. "Hokage-sama!"

She opened the door and gaped when she saw Neji taking her comfortable spot in her beloved superior's lap. "Hokage-sama...? You need to get over to the meeting hall right away."

"It's done."

Before Neji or Nori had time to react, the Hokage was out of the room. Neji sprang up and ran after him. The traders were waiting impatiently when then entered the room. Naruto apologized sincerely and began to talk business. Neji was immediately taken by surprise at the change in Naruto.

He was charming and charismatic, making the men and women in the room completely forget his tardiness. He was always friendly and respectful, without ever losing boldness in his part of the discussion. He accurately analyzed the problem being addressed, with all of Konoha's citizens as his priority to serve. In the end, the traders left content even though they had not gained all that they had originally come for.

"Thank you very much, Hokage-sama. It is an honor to deal with you," the main trader got up and bowed to the Hokage.

"Yes, I hope everything works out well for you. Have a safe trip back home," Naruto smiled and bowed slightly in return.

"Yes, Hokage-sama!" all the people cheered and smiled as they left.

"Well, that went well," Neji commented.

"Oh, God! I'm so tired! Neji, let's go somewhere fun!" Naruto pouted and reverted back to his immature ways.

Neji only sighed as he dragged his respected Hokage-sama back to his office. Hours of paperwork were interrupted only once for another meeting that didn't go quite as well as the first. Feudal lords were demanding an intolerable amount of privileges over the people on their land. Naruto was forced to disagree at the chagrin of the arrogant nobles. After that, the exhausted blonde returned to his office and emerged himself in paperwork once again for hours. Neji was starting to see how the job could be very stressful. The whole time he silently watched over the Hokage.

"Ah...I think it's time to call it a day," Naruto turned his tired eyes toward the Hyuuga. Neji nodded and waited as the Hokage stood up from his chair and stretched. "Hey, Neji?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama?"

"How would you like to go out to eat with me? Generally, I always take out my new female employees out to eat, but since I haven't seen you in so long I think it'd be nice for us to get to talk again over some ramen!" Naruto grinned, stretching his arms over his head.

"As you wish, Hokage-sama!" Neji beamed.

"Neji, what's with this Hokage-sama crap? We're friends! Call me by my name every once and a while!" Naruto sighed.

"But...That's a highly respectable title you've been working all your life to achieve."

"Yeah! But it feels weird to have my closest friends calling me that all the time. I order you to stop," Naruto raised an eyebrow playfully.

"...Will Uzumaki-san be okay?"

"Fine! It's better than nothing. Geez, Neji! You really are the same! A stickler for rules and manners."

He rushed out of the door before Neji could respond and met with his lovely secretary. She looked about ready to leave as well, and sighed in relief as she saw Naruto come out of his office.

"Ready to leave, Hokage-sama?"

"You bet! I'm craving ramen like never before!"

"Heeheehee...would you like some company?" she winked playfully.

"Not today, Nori-chan! I"m taking Neji with me," he puffed as he waited impatiently for Neji to come out of the office.

"Neji? Hokage-sama...I think I should warn you about Neji-san - " she began, but was cut off by Naruto's loud voice.

"There you are! Come on, let's go before I starve to death! See you tomorrow, Nori-chan!" he waved and rushed down the hall, grabbing Neji's arm.

"W-Wait!" she called as Naruto was already halfway down the hall. "I still need to tell you about him!"

Naruto was already in the elevator when he noticed Nori calling out to him. He stopped the door from closing to listen to her shouts.

"Huh? What is it?" he called.

"It's Neji! Neji-san is gay!"

"Huh? What did you say?" Naruto turned curiously to Neji, "What did she say?"

Neji shrugged and looked away sheepishly, having heard every word crystal clear.

"I said Neji-san is gay! He's got a _huge_ crush on you!"

"What...?" Naruto shrugged and yelled back, "Okay! You have a nice day too! I'll try not to rush...?"

And the elevator door closed shut, entrapping the two men together.

"I wonder what that was about. Why would Nori-chan want me not to rush somewhere?" Naruto pondered. "Oh, well!"

Naruto patted Neji on the back and he shifted on his feet uncomfortably. Naruto hummed to the elevator music completely unaware of the situation.

"Hmm! Hmm hmm! Doo dee doo da!" he tapped his feet, "It was a good first day, huh, Neji?"

"Yes, Hokage – "

"App! App! What did I say?"

"Uzumaki-san..." Neji blushed and silently wished they were doing _other_ things in this empty elevator. He crossed his arms across his chest, embarrassed at his own filthy mind.

They quickly reached the first floor and Naruto bounced off, happy to be on his way to the Ichiraku.

"I'll bet the old man is waiting for me!" Naruto smiled as he jogged to the ramen stand.

Sure enough, "old man" was waiting in the stand cheerfully wiping down a counter as his young assistant washed a few bowls. He immediately recognized the bouncy Hokage and cheered for him to sit down as he has always done since Naruto was a snotty little boy.

"My favorite customer!"

"Old Man!"

"Have a seat in your special chair!" the old man gestured. Ever since Naruto became Hokage, the owner of the stand was so proud that he built in a special chair just for Naruto. It was extremely comfortable and looked somewhat like a throne. Naruto _loved_ to sit in that chair. The owner turned to start making Naruto's order when he noticed the Hyuuga standing a few feet away.

"Oh...? You brought a pretty girl with you this time!" He winked amiably.

"No! It's just Neji. Say, Neji, does anyone ever guess your gender right the first time?"

"No."

Neji sat down next to a laughing Naruto as their meals were prepared. They chatted comfortably for a few minutes as they waited. Naruto inquired about Hinata and the rest of the family, to which Neji said they were all doing fine. Two steaming bowls were set in front of the men and Naruto cheered with joy as he dug in.

"Itadakimasu!"

"Itadakimasu," Neji repeated, flipping his hair over his shoulder. Naruto vaguely watched him from the corner of his eye as he ate.

"Neji! What made you get that new hair cut?" Naruto questioned pointing to his own medium-length, unruly bangs. Neji looked up and was shocked to see Naruto had already finished his bowl.

"Umm...well, it was on a mission. The enemy cut my hair and I had to change it when I got back."

"Aww...that sucks. One more, old man!" he slapped his hand on the table and within moments a new bowl was in front of him. "Why didn't you just cut all of it?"

Neji looked absolutely mortified and nearly lost his grip on his chopsticks.

"Ehehehe...I was only kidding! Kidding! Long hair is in...right?" Naruto recovered and continued eating in silence. As soon as he finished his second bowl he become worried of the silent atmosphere. He turned to Neji and noticed that he seemed to have finished eating long ago. He was staring at Naruto with an adoring look on his face.

"Neji...?"

"Uzumaki-san!" he blushed and reached out for both of Naruto's hands, "I'm so happy that I get to be your personal guard!"

"Aww! Neji! I'm glad too!"

Neji hugged him and pressed him against the custom-made seat. Somewhere from behind the counter, Ayame, the assistant, giggled a fan-girlish giggle of glee.

"I have to tell you something important!"

"Okay, Neji! Fire away!"

"I love you!" the Hyuuga looked so happy and sincere that Naruto was taken back for a second.

"Uh...thanks?" Naruto sat back and tried to push the other man off him gently.

"I've been trying so hard to get close to you and – "

Naruto let Neji's words fly by his head as he to a moment to think. Neji looks and kind of acts like a girl. Neji _loves _Naruto. Something was definitely off. People don't say they love each other so easily, especially when they happen to be two men. Naruto cut in on Neji's speech.

"Wait...when you say you love me, you mean that as a friend or as a highly respected person you admire, right?"

Neji blushed heavily and looked down.

'Oh, shit...' the blonde Hokage was starting to get worried.

"Uzumaki-san...I _love_ you and I'd do anything for you." Neji stared up with a determined face. Naruto grabbed his wrist and went slightly off the handle.

"NEJI! Don't say stuff like that! Have you lost your mind? Don't just proclaim your love to another guy like that! _Especially _when he's the straightest guy in town!"

"Uzumaki-san..." Neji looked dramatically hurt.

"Thanks a lot, Old man! I think we'll be going now!" Naruto slammed some money on the counter, plus tip. He dragged Neji out of the stand and headed home.

"Listen, Neji, I don't wanna hurt your feelings or anything, but I like women and there's really nothing I can do about that."

"Uzumaki-san! Please! I can be more womanly!" Neji cried and stopped Naruto in his tracks. The blonde man looked down at the pathetic face and his eyes softened.

'So beautiful...' he peered into those opaque eyes and ran his fingers timidly over the soft pink lips.

"_No! _No way! You're already way too womanly for your own good! Let's just forget about this, okay?" Naruto snapped out of his trance and continued to head to his place. Upon reaching the Hokage Mansion, that was close to the office, he saw his two famous ANBU guards waiting for him, playing poker.

"Yo, Naru!" a spiky brown-haired man in a wolf mask waved.

"Good evening, Hokage-sama," a pony-tailed blonde in a tiger mask greeted.

"Hey guys."

"Yo, Neji," the wolf masked man greeted the ruffled Hyuuga.

"Hi, Kiba. Hi, Ino."

"Where's your mask and uniform, cutie?" the tiger-masked girl revealed to be Yamanaka Ino asked.

"It's all at my place..." he mumbled back. The Hokage sighed.

"Don't worry about it, guys. We'll be right back," Naruto said, picking up the dark-haired man next to him and disappearing in a whirl of leaves. The two remaining ANBU members turned to each other.

"I'm not sweeping up those leaves," the wolf-boy yawned.

"Dammit!" his partner yelled.

* * *

"Hokage-sama, please wait out here while I enter to retrieve my belongings." 

"And leave your Hokage-sama out here alone where he can easily be captured or raped or something like that?" Naruto joked, "No way! I'm going with you. I wanna see if I can catch Hinata while I'm here."

"Okay," the Hyuuga answered and reluctantly opened the main door. A small pathway lead to the main house. Neji turned to the right to his own quarters. It was significantly less extravagant than just what the main house looked like from the outside. Naruto had forgotten such things since he had only visited the main house on rare occasions.

The inside was lit dimly by candles on the walls. Naruto found this to be a comforting and somewhat romantic setting. Neji's room was down the hall. He opened it and found his bags to already have been packed.

"Hey, so that's it, right?"

"No...would you mind if I change into my uniform?"

"Naw, go ahead. I'll wait." the other man replied. Neji paused and looked back around.

"If you really want to see Hinata, you can go back to the main house. She should be in there. I can met you there when I'm done."

"'Kay. See ya then, Neji!"

The young Hyuuga slumped down on his bed and groaned.

"God, I'm so stupid...Ya think maybe it wasn't a good idea to professes your undying love on the first day? Huh? Good job...baka," he talked to himself as he buried his head in his arms.

When Neji reached the main house he found Naruto, Hinata, and his uncle chatting away. Naruto had his arm casually around Hinata's shoulders and Neji felt the smallest stab of jealousy. His uncle was excessively polite, as usual. Neji dropped his bags on the floor to catch everyone's attention.

"Oh, Neji. You're all ready to leave..." his uncle looked at him proudly.

"Neji-nii-san! It's so unbelievable that you get to be a personal guard under the H-Hokage...um, N-Naruto-kun."

"Hey...is that a fox mask?" Naruto peered curiously at the red and orange painted mask. Neji was glad to be wearing the mask because it hid his flushed face. He could never tell the other man he picked a fox mask because it always reminded him of the vulpine Naruto. He nodded quietly and after a few farewells and good wishes Naruto and Neji left together.

"It looks like you're getting along with your uncle. I'm glad," Naruto smiled. Neji declined to reply. The blonde eyed his bags a spoke again, "Here, lemme carry your bags."

He grabbed the two huge bags from Neji with plenty of protest from the long-haired man.

"I may look like a girl, but I don't need someone to carry my bags!" Neji tried to reach for them back, but Naruto turned away from his reach.

"Quiet, ANBU boy! Your Hokage orders you to let him carry your bags!"

Neji pouted and looked down.

"And don't make that face! It's all just fun and games!"

"How do you know I'm making a face? I'm wearing my mask!"

"I have a feeling!" Naruto sang. "Be good or I won't let you sleep with me!"

"Sleep...with you?" Neji's heart stopped.

"Yeah! The two ANBU guards wait outside, but the personal guard gets to sleep with me. In my room!"

At this moment, Neji's thoughts went too far down the gutter to control...and he fainted.

"Neji? Neji?" Naruto turned around to find the Hyuuga collapsed on the floor. "AHH! _Neji!_"

Naruto pondered on just what could have made the Hyuuga collapse. In the end he decided to just pick him up and carry him to his new home.

As Naruto set the limp Hyuuga down on the couch across from his massive bed he took the time to notice the difference in his appearance while donning the ANBU uniform. Neji's body was incredibly slender, while still appearing muscular and strong. The black pants and black tank top fit snugly and accentuated his tall, lean figure. Naruto was particularly fond of the mask. He very carefully removed it to get a closer look at it.

"Naru-sama...is Neji alright?" a female voice asked softly from the door.

"I'm sure he's ok."

"Yeah, maybe you should check his bags to see if he forgot to take any of his pills. I hear Neji takes tons of 'em!" Kiba suggested.

"Well, we'll be out here if you need anything," Ino reassured him and began closing the door.

"Ja ne!" Kiba called, and the two left him alone with his feeble guard.

Taking Kiba's advice, Naruto unzipped Neji's first bag. It looked normal, packed full of extra pairs of clothes. He moved on to the other bag, and his face cracked into a grin when he opened it. It was full of brushes, combs, shampoos, conditioners, lotions, hand soaps, and mouth wash. On top of that, there were about ten different medications ranging from pain-killers to an inhaler. Naruto laughed softly as he picked up a bottle and read the contents.

"Oh...this guy. He loves me, he looks like a girl...probably has more beauty products than one, and he's heavily medicated..." he turned over another bottle, "For obsessive compulsive tendencies..."

"How's this guy ever supposed to protect me?" he shook his head and put all of Neji's things back in place before going to bed.

* * *

END CHAP TWO! I'm sure Neji woke up in the middle of the night to wash his hair and take his meds. **XD**


	3. You Sunk My Battleship

**Pairings: **NaruNeji. The cutest little paring that ever was! XD

**Warnings:** Bad, naughty words. I think we've all heard them before, ne?

**Author's Notes: **Okay! I'd like to respond to Cyberwolf, who brought up an interesting question. Might be spoiler-ish for the manga.

Attempt at explaining OOCness! First off, the characters are older. Since Naruto is 19, that would make Neji 20. Over the time, I'm sure he's grown to become softer because of his interaction with Naruto and other people. Ya kinda see this in the manga when he starts being all nice to Hinata, trains all father-and-son-like with his uncle, and when he goes and tells Naruto "You have better eyes than I do" and gives him that goofy smile. He's soft spoken and clingy to Naruto only because he loves him so intensely. He's shy for seeing him after a long time (3 years), but he WILL change to being more outspoken and...aggressive in his advances. Tehehee...

One more thing, Neji is in touch with his feminine side and he knows it. He doesn't care because he's decided there's no point in hiding it especially when he looks so damn good. He's not really cold to others, but he's surely not abnormally affectionate or anything.

You might notice changes like this in other characters as well. For instance, a character that appears in _this chapter_ might seem to act differently than normal. But really, who doesn't change after 4 to 7 years?

* * *

**You Sunk My Battleship**

The Hokage was crouched twenty feet above the ground in a massive tree. He was silent and serious like any professional ninja would be. Every movement he _didn't_ make was completely calculated. If a passerby looked up at this tree he wouldn't see a young man crouching perfectly still; he would most likely see a bird's nest full of harmless birds – all thanks to the genius of Naruto's genjutsu.

He lifted his binoculars in a swift motion, avoiding attracting attention by touching any part of the tree. He observed and he made his decision. His other hand lifted up a long-range walkie talkie and he spoke into it with a hushed voice.

"The egg is in the refrigerator. I repeat, the egg is in the refrigerator," static buzzed on the other end of the line as he waited patiently for the response.

"Roger that." it came with another buzz of static. Naruto waited some more and lifted his walkie talkie again.

"Is the beetle hidden in the sand? I repeat - "

"Beetle _is_ camouflaged perfectly," the other line cut in with an angry buzz.

"Heehee...getting touchy, huh?" Naruto whispered to himself. He spoke into the device, "Report to Area 912, immediately. Do you copy?"

"..." static of the other line going on and quickly disconnecting reached the blonde's ears.

"Do you copy?" Naruto emphasized his words more loudly.

"No, I don't fucking copy. What the hell is Area 912?" the other line buzzed. Naruto sighed and shook his head.

"It's the big ass tree near the west window," Naruto communicated. He waited and waited, but got no reply. He went to speak again, "Are you there? The tree is..."

"I'm here." A voice came from behind Naruto.

"GAARA! You scared me!" Naruto nearly lost balance.

"Idiot. Don't be so loud. We'll get caught," the tall redheaded Kazekage sat next to the blonde. Both kages were suspiciously missing their robes.

Naruto chuckled softly and picked up his binoculars to watch the scene.

"I'm going to win this time, Uzumaki," the redhead leaned against the tree with one eye closed in what appeared to be a wink. Naruto ignored his statement, completely confident in his own skills.

"No fair, Gaara! You don't need binoculars to watch! Why don't you ever teach me how to use the 'third eye'?" Naruto pouted and put his hand on his hip. The Kazekage's mellow smile turned into a maniacal grin.

"I'll teach you. Just let me have one of your eyes," he reached out with two fingers to stab at Naruto's widening blue eye.

"AHH! Stop it, Gaara!" the blonde leaned back wailing miserably. The sand nin stopped, still with one eye closed, and his grin returned back to normal.

"Your clone just fucked up," Gaara said, leaning back with his arms crossed. Naruto nearly fell out of the tree again trying to get the binoculars around his neck.

"No..." Naruto watched as his clone picked himself up from running into two walls in a row while talking to Shikamaru. "Dammit! You're such a cheater, Gaara! We agreed not to distract each other!"

"You distracted yourself," the pale man said, pulling down an eye patch to rest his eye for a while.

"Whoa...you look just like a pirate, Gaara..."

"I know. Sexy, huh?"

This was one of the many games the two kages played. It was a necessary game to keep themselves amused whenever they had to meet to discuss peace and other useless things. Knowing who the two kages were, it was safe to say that the Wind Country and the Fire Country would _never _have any serious conflict. That being said, the two kages find peace and relationship-building meetings to be pointless since they practically consider each other to be blood brothers.

This game currently being played is one of the more mild ones. It's very simple, really. The Hokage and Kazekage disappear as long as possible, leaving perfect clones of themselves to interact with each other. The first clone discovered loses the creator 20 points. After one clone is found, it is safe to say the other would be found soon after, causing anguish to the various subordinates. The first "real" kage to be caught loses 15 points. It is possible to lose smaller increments of points by the clone messing up and acting irregular, such as running into two walls in a row. There are many more rules, but in general many of them are bent or broken.

"By the way, I'd say your cheap little clone just lost you ten points. Five for each wall."

"Dammit!" the Hokage cringed. He winced in pain as the Kazekage suddenly punched him hard in the shoulder.

"I said, don't be so fucking loud," the Sand's ruler glared. The Kazekage was known for many things, one being his incredibly dirty mouth. Naruto glared back, not daring to rub his arm or show that he felt any pain.

"We'll see how this ends, Kazekage!" Naruto spat.

* * *

To Neji, it was just another day. As a newbie, he was completely unaware of these antics. While Shikamaru, Konoha's most trusted strategist and negotiator, led Naruto to the meeting room Neji stayed a few feet behind. He vaguely listened in on their conversation, but he was much more focused on the way Naruto's hair seemed to shine like the sunlight. He grinned brightly to Shikamaru and Neji nearly melted at the genuine expression.

'He doesn't even try to be so charming,' Neji thought.

"Listen, Naruto, I don't care how much you whine, these peace talks are important business. You have to meet with Gaara and you have to talk about your relations," Shikamaru said, voice exuding maturity.

"Yeah! Yeah! I know!"

SLAM!

"Hokage-sama!" Neji was instantly at his side, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine..."

SLAM!

The Hokage fell to the floor. He stayed there clutching his head for a few moments.

"Hokage-sama!" Neji tried to help him up off the floor.

"What's that wall doing there?" Naruto yelled, kicking the wall vengefully.

"Watch where you're going, you klutz," Shikamaru's eye twitched in annoyance.

"Don't call the Hokage a klutz!" Naruto's clone recovered from the fall and started acting normal again.

"Hurry up. You'll be late to see Gaara," the broom-haired man said.

"Gaara-sama doesn't care if I'm late!" the clone pouted perfectly.

The whole way to the conference room, Neji stayed loyally at his side, the fox mask hiding his worried face. Gaara was already sitting in the room tapping his foot impatiently. As soon as the three entered the room, he glared daggers at them all. Neji's breath was taken away for a moment as the Kazekage's eyes locked onto his.

He had last seen the Sand ruler many years ago. How he had suddenly become amazingly handsome was a mystery to Neji. His eyes stayed on the foreign ruler as he stood behind Naruto. Neji barely noticed Temari and Baki behind the Kazekage, for he was too intent on drinking in the Kazekage's dashing appearance.

'Wild, redheaded, rugged, manly, dark, mysterious,' Neji listed off the Kazekage's aesthetic strengths in his mind as he unconsciously melted into the wall behind him, 'And that eye patch is remarkably attractive...'

Neji idly wondered if he had lost his eye. No one in the room noticed the incredibly small sandy eye viewing everything from the corner of the room.

* * *

"Did you get a new guard?" Gaara asked, raising what would have been an eyebrow if he had one.

"Yeah." he answered. After a short stretch of silence, Naruto lowered his binoculars and turned to Gaara, "Why?"

"Nothing..."

"What?"

"Oh, it's just that I think she's checking me out. She's been staring at me ever since you guys came in the room."

"WHAT? No way. Neji's not checking you out."

"Neji...? You don't have to get touchy about it. She might just be impressed by meeting a foreign kage."

"Shut up. _He's _not checking you out."

"He? Well if it's a 'he' I hope not! ...Even though it's amusing for you to get bothered about it. Don't tell me you've been...messing around together," Gaara toyed with the younger man.

"No I don't 'mess around' with guys. And he's NOT looking at you."

"Why don't you turn your clone around to take a look?" the redhead grinned, hoping to gain a few points off Naruto's strange jealously.

The Hokage frowned. He couldn't see that well with the binoculars alone. He debated whether or not to turn and look when he could possibly lose points.

* * *

"So, I think it's safe to say that we all agree to keep the border policy as it is," Shikamaru said. He was starting to get extremely suspicious of the two men who were behaving like responsible rulers.

Naruto suddenly turned to Neji. He glared at the silent man, catching everyone's attention. Neji's attention was clearly focused on the Kazekage. The redheaded man coughed.

"Is there something you want to ask, Neji?" the Kazekage said in a serious tone of voice.

Shikamaru's eyes widened. Something was definitely wrong. Neji jumped up out of his trance and looked down, surprised to see Naruto's eyes on him.

"Hokage-sama?"

"Yes...actually," Naruto's face brightened up cheerfully, "What do _you_ think about the policy?"

Neji nearly fell over dead. He hadn't been paying attention to a word that was being said. He shifted on his legs and tried not to show that for the last minutes of the discussion he had been on a different planet in which Gaara was his pirate-lover.

"Well, Hokage-sama...I'm certain I agree." Neji guessed and prayed to the Gods that he didn't make a fool of himself.

"You agree that we should demolish the local orphanage?" Naruto questioned in surprise.

"Um! Yes! I m-mean...no."

'Crap! I should have been paying attention!' Neji beat him self mentally. He sighed, deciding it was best to tell the truth.

"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama...I wasn't paying attention..." Neji bowed his head shamefully. Naruto wore an odd expression on his face.

Somewhere in a tree nearby a redhead smirked triumphantly at an aggravated blonde.

"Hokage-sama, It doesn't particularly matter what Neji thinks about the _border_ policy at this moment. Currently I'm more concerned about _your_ behavior," Shikamaru sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was now positive something was amiss.

"I agree," the female voice of Gaara's sister began, "Gaara, how did you know the identity of the Hokage's brand new ANBU guard?"

In that same tree, a blonde did a little victory dance at Gaara's slip and the other man sore profusely.

"Temari, Baki, Neji. We have a situation on our hands. This is not the real Hokage!" he pointed to the clone. Neji jumped back. His mind reeled. He was sure he never left Naruto for a moment.

"And this isn't my little brother," Temari pointed to the fake.

"You know the drill," Shikamaru sat up and planted a knife into the false-Hokage's back. With a pop and puff of smoke the clone disappeared.

"How troublesome..." he groaned.

* * *

"I WIN! In your fucking face!" Gaara stood up with his arms in the air.

"Dammit! I can't believe I lost to an amateur prankster!" Naruto groaned tossing his binoculars down the twenty feet.

"The chase is on," Gaara's face was suddenly dangerously close to Naruto's, "Later."

He was gone, but not before attaching an explosive note to the branch Naruto sat on.

"Shit!" his eyes widened as he jumped out of the tree which was now burning, "He's got no respect for nature..."

The leaf nin ran as quickly away from the scene as he could, knowing that Shikamaru and the others would be hot on his trail. Most importantly, he wanted to get back at his rival. He pulled out a detonator and smirked as he pressed the button.

A distance away, a red light flashed on the Kazekage's coattails faster and faster. At the press of a button a mixed bomb set off. A giant flare set his coat on fire as tear gas enveloped the unsuspecting Kazekage.

"SHIT!" he ripped off part of the flaming material, closed both his eyes, and covered his mouth as he got as far away from the smoke as possible. "When did he plant that on me?"

Enraged by Naruto's superior sabotaging skills and choice of weaponry, Gaara looked for a place to hide.

"It's no use, Gaara. Stop playing around," his former sensei, Baki, stood glaring at his young leader.

"I can't _believe_ you two!" Temari stomped on a nearby branch, "I just took that outfit to the cleaners, Gaara!"

Gaara rolled his eyes and slumped down in defeat. He knew Naruto hadn't been caught yet.

'Looks like you win this round, Naruto,' Gaara flipped his eye patch off and wondered where the fox-boy could be at this very moment.

Neji and Shikamaru were quickly drawn to the flames. From the window they clearly saw the figure of their Hokage sprinting away from the burning tree. The two men ran in the direction they last saw him go. Neji's superior ANBU speed combined with his drive to find out what was going on left Shikamaru in the dust.

Naruto breathed a little heavily as he leaned against a tree in the park. As he was forming the hand seals to perform a concealing jutsu, he felt two arms wrap around his body from behind. He gasped in fear. No one was skillful enough to catch him off guard like that.

"Nice to meet you, Hokage-sama," a musical voice sinisterly whispered into Naruto's ear.

Neji was panicking more than ever. He searched frantically for a trail leading to the Hokage. His tracks seemed to end at the park coming up ahead. His eyes widened when he finally reached the children's playground. He froze in place.

Naruto was standing chillingly tense. A woman was pressed firmly to his back, her black bangs hiding her eyes.

"Hokage-sama!" Neji called desperately. Naruto slowly turned his head to Neji, a look of pure fear on his face. Seeing this unfamiliar look on his face, the loyal Hyuuga sprang into action.

As he charged up to his beloved Hokage, who seemed incapacitated, the woman seemed to fade away as if she was never there to begin with at all. The long-haired ANBU member tapped into his blood-line limit to search for any traces of the woman, but he found none.

"Hokage-sama!" he jumped next to the shaken blonde and put his hands on the man's shoulders.

"Hehe...I t-thought I told you to call me by my n-name," the fox boy laughed nervously as he stared at his own shaking hands.

"Are you alright? Who _was_ that?" Neji gazed into Naruto's eyes with heavy concern, "What did she do to you!"

"N-Nothing...she...s-she said 'Nice to meet you, Hokage-sama'..."

"Is that all?"

"No...I felt an incredible power coming from her. S-She must have put me under something because I felt like I couldn't move...I was p-paralyzed with fear."

The dark-haired man hugged Naruto tightly and escorted him back to the meeting room, his senses alert for danger.

When they reached the building Naruto seemed to be back to normal. Everyone else was waiting for them. Shikamaru stopped talking to the sand nins to greet them.

"Good job, Neji!" he smiled pleasantly and then he pouted at Naruto, "Are you satisfied? Have you have your fill of fun now?"

"You bet!" he patted Gaara on the back, "Good chase, man."

"It's good because I won," Gaara smirked.

"Did not, Mr. I-reek-like-a-smoke-bomb."

"Yes I _did_," the Kazekage stared at Naruto with ice-cold eyes.

"No you didn't."

Everyone else sighed and groaned at the lack of responsibility displayed by these two men. When they reached the room, Temari swung the door open and tossed Gaara and Naruto in like they were mischievous cubs.

"You! We've already been through most of the policies with your clones. And with that chase you made us go on, we've only got about ten minutes left before we have to go!" Temari fumed. The Kazekage and Hokage exchanged innocent glances.

"Baki, Shikamaru," she turned to the two men behind her, "I say we get ourselves some lattes."

"I'm down with that," Shikamaru sighed, "Neji. You stay here and keep an eye on Naruto."

"Hai."

"And for God's sakes will guys guys talk about relevant things for at least a minute while you're in there?" Shikamaru said and left with the other two sand nins to get his caffeine fix.

Naruto and Gaara sat down in the ridiculously big chairs surrounding the round table. Naruto spun around in his a couple of times before Neji stopped him with his hand.

"Uzumaki-san. Could you please do as Shikamaru instructed?" the masked man asked. Naruto squinted at the other man. He suddenly wished Neji wasn't an ANBU member just so he could see the expression on his face...just so he could see his face, period.

"Okay, Neji. But only because you asked," he winked, leaving the long-haired man speechless.

"Alright, Hokage. Begin," Gaara said, putting his hands together in a business-like manner.

"Kazekage, I have been informed that you enjoy peace. In light of this information would you agree to not attack Konoha in the next 50 years?"

"Hmm...50 years is a long time. Would you be satisfied with 49?"

"Yes I would!" Naruto cheered. The Kazekage and Hokage shook hands over the table triumphantly.

Neji couldn't believe his ears. This was an unusual peace talk. Somewhere in the back of his head he wondered if he had remembered to take his anxiety pill this morning, because it certainly didn't feel like it.

"Hokage-sama," the Kazekage began, "because we are great allies, would you agree to sell Suna all of your children so that we could – "

"No, Gaara. Just...no."

"Alright then, I repeat your proposal then. 49 years of no attacks."

"Agreed." There was more cheering and hand-shaking. Neji sighed a long ragged sigh.

"What's the matter Neji? Not feeling well?" Naruto turned to him.

"Just don't even try anymore, Hokage-sama. Play hide-and-seek, or whatever it is you were planning on doing in the first place."

Naruto laughed whole-heartedly.

"My new guard. Don't ya just love him?"

"Yeah. Although I'm kind of curious to see his face. Is that allowed?" Gaara asked. Naruto readily agreed, because he was also tired of looking at a mask instead of Neji's beautiful face. Naruto motioned for Neji to stand to the side of the table so Gaara could get a good look while he removed his mask. Neji complied listlessly, and very slowly removed his mask, keeping the men in the room heavy with anticipation.

The mask was off and still no one spoke. Neji slowly turned his face to the Kazekage.

"Hi..." Neji said dumbly. He blinked his pretty eyes, unknowingly affecting the redheaded man. "Kazekage-sama?"

"She...He...uh," Gaara stared, slightly open-mouthed. A tiny blush tinted his cheeks, but he was too busy staring at Neji to be ashamed. "Could you come a little closer?"

"H-Hai...Kazekage-sama," Neji was starting to feel nervous with the other man's eyes so intently on him, but then again, Gaara's gaze was always piercing. Gaara dropped the paper he never even realized he had picked up and he placed a single finger under Neji's chin.

"You have a nice face..." Gaara said huskily.

"Thank you, Kazekage-sama," the Hyuuga mumbled, starting to get lost in the Kazekage's bright green eyes.

"Okay! Okay! That's enough." Naruto grabbed Neji somewhat possessively and handed him his mask, "Put your mask back on Neji."

Gaara blinked and shook his head, wondering just what had come over him. Neji had seemed to be like a pure Goddess to him. Innocent white eyes and a pale face, with beautiful long dark hair.

"How's the _wife_, Gaara?" Naruto cut him from his thoughts sharply. Gaara shrugged and looked up.

"Which one?" he asked offhandedly.

"What? Did you already get a new one?" Naruto blinked in surprise, "Come on, you know the one. I think she had dark purple hair..."

"Oh, her. She's been long gone."

"You didn't kill her, did you?"

Gaara looked up seriously, his face a mask to any emotion.

"No...but she did have an unfortunate accident."

Neji and Naruto flinched.

"K-Kay...so you got a new one, then?"

"Yeah. This one's better. She's not nearly as annoying. She spends a lot of money though," Gaara glared murderously.

"Haahaahaa..." Naruto laughed, "Don't worry, Gaara. I'm sure you'll find the right one eventually!"

"Yeah? What about you? I know you're not into marriage, so who are you fucking lately?" Gaara dead-panned, never afraid to tell it like it is.

"Everyone at the office." The two men were surprised to see that the Hyuuga had answered. Naruto turned an indignant face to Neji.

"Does that include you?" Gaara asked slyly.

"Whoa now! That's none of your business!" Naruto pointed an accusing finger at the redhead. Neji flushed brightly behind his mask.

"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama...I was out of my place."

"It's ok, Neji. You're probably right anyway," he waved a dismissing hand at the Hyuuga, "But honestly! Romance is for losers!"

"Agreed. Care to shake on it?" Gaara replied causing the other two men to laugh.

"How goes the 'ol therapy?" Naruto asked casually after the laughter had died down. At the word 'therapy' Gaara was reminded of a series of painful events from when he was kidnapped at the tender age of fifteen. He covered his mouth with his hand and his eyes reflected true anguish.

"Oh, God. I miss him so much, Naruto. It's just not the same! We were a _team_," the Kazekage rambled on.

"Not this again..." Naruto grumbled.

"Who? You miss who?" Neji blurted out.

"Shukaku!" Gaara sobbed. Neji cast his eyes down sadly. He remembered now. He personally assisted in the mission to recover Gaara. When they reached the Akatsuki headquarters, it was already too late, Gaara was dead with his demon sucked mercilessly out of him. This was one of the events that was later classified as a Hokage-meriting achievement for Naruto.

He single-handedly revived the Kazekage. Enraged to the limit, Naruto had tapped into a new power. His own demon revived Gaara with it's power. It was a completely unheard of thing. To this day, many people believe that Gaara still has bits of Kyuubi's demonic powers and characteristics, thus, explaining his sudden enthusiasm to join Naruto in his childish pranks.

"Gaara...Gaara... I know it must be weird, but you really got the best half of the deal," Naruto soothed.

"No I didn't!"

"Yeah, Gaara. What good did Shukaku ever do for you? Sure he made you blood-thirsty, stalked you day in and out to try and _possess_ your frickin' body, gave you nasty migraines, and inhibited your social-life like no other...but all and all he wasn't that great a demon. You can sleep now, right? Isn't sleeping _nice_, Gaara?"

"Umm-hmm, but still..." Gaara mumbled.

"No buts, dammit! You're the Kazekage for cryin' out loud! You don't need a little demonic power to be awesome! You still have power over the sand and everyone loves you. Man, a lot of people are starting to think you're even cooler than me!" Naruto encouraged, slamming his hand on the table. Gaara instantly perked up. Neji watched the whole scene, amazed. Naruto still had the power to inspire others.

"You're right, Naru...I-I still get to keep him in my room anyway. That's kind of nice," Gaara smiled weakly.

"Aww...does Gaa-chan like the wittle demon in the cute tea kettle?" Naruto mocked playfully.

"Shut up, Naruto!"

"Teeheehee!"

There was a knock on the door.

"Kazekage-sama. It's time to go," the deep voice of Baki called through the door.

Both kages literally sunk in their chairs. It was no mistake that their friendship ran deep. The Kazekage was the first to get up, albeit reluctantly.

"Hokage," he said.

"Kazekage," Naruto replied.

Their serious faces warped into sly grins.

"Nice seein' ya, Gaara. Don't kill any of your wives when you get home."

"Likewise, Naruto. Until we met again."

The sand nins departed.

* * *

"Wee! That was fun, huh, Neji?" Naruto beamed. "You just love the excitement from being around me, right?"

"Of course, Hokage-sama," Neji replied, tense in the back. Before he knew it, the Hokage was right in front of him, surprisingly close.

"What was it I said about my name?" he leered down at his subordinate.

"Uzumaki-san..." Neji swooned.

"That's right, my little masked friend," Naruto grinned, tapping the bottom of Neji's mask.

"Uzumaki-san!" he blushed underneath his foxy mask. His heart pounded rapidly as the Hokage put his hand on the slightly shorter man's shoulder.

"Thanks for saving me out there today, from that weird chick." he praised.

"Of course, Uzumaki-san!" the Hyuuga beamed, pushing back his mask to show his happy face, "It's because I love you!"

He pounced on the other man, wrapping his arms around him.

"Okay, Neji..." the blonde laughed, patting the other man on the back. Seeing the happy face on his guard turned out to be surprisingly satisfying to him. It was so sweet and sincere, that he didn't mind the Hyuuga's outright display of affection.

It was only their second day together, and Naruto was already starting to feel genuinely comfortable and relaxed around his feminine friend.

* * *

END CHAP THREE! Aww...snog him Neji! Go! Who else thinks Gaara would make a dead sexy pirate? Umm...Gaara. :licks: 


	4. Days of the Week

**Pairings:** NaruNeji

**Warnings: **Ohohohooo! You'll see :wink:

**Author's Notes: **Hello! I'm glad I have people reading this story! XD OMG! Kowaikage! You awesome writer, you! Even you're reading this nonsense! Lol! Arigato everyone!

Q&A: Did I make up that whole thing about how Naruto saved Gaara? Yesssss. Will there be GaaNeji? Maaaaybe. Will Neji freak out his relatives? Heehee! That's for the next chappie!

ENJOY!

P.S. - Anyone who knows the person that wrote the song I named this chapter after gets bonus points!

* * *

**Days of the Week**

With most things, people learn to develop routines and habits. Even when stuck in abnormal occupations such as serving as the unofficial babysitter of an irresponsible ruler of a nation, people try their best to find a comfortable niche. Neji was most definitely a creature of habit, and he did his best to keep his normal routine – a routine that had been solidly kept for the past few years – in his new job.

This was all to Naruto's dismay. An alarm sounded at exactly 5:30 AM.

"Holy crap! What the hell is going on?" Naruto woke with a start, throwing his covers off. When he saw the alarm clock next to the couch where Neji slept, he sprang out of bed and nearly beat the thing to death. He was stopped by a hand that shot out swiftly to tap the 'off' button.

"Good morning, Hokage-sama..." Neji mumbled as he rolled off the couch. Without another word he strolled into the lavishly decorated bathroom and reached for the various bottles of pills he had carefully set out the night before.

Allergy medication, check.

Anti-depressants, check.

OCD meds, double check.

"NEJI! Hey, I'm talking to you!" Naruto waved the adorably cute kitsune alarm clock in his direction, "Are you trying to kill me? It's 5:30 AM! IN THE MORNING!"

Neji, however, was too wrapped up in his early morning process to listen to the Hokage's shouts. Huffing and puffing, the frustrated blonde chunked the cute little clock on Neji's couch. As he went back to his luxurious bed, he rubbed his tired face and mumbled in discontent.

"Stupid psychopathic Hyuuga. Who the hell wakes up at – " his eyes caught the clock that was innocently staring back at him for the first time, " – aww! It's a kitsune clock! That's adorable..."

He rubbed his eyes once more, pondering on how the clock reminded him of a younger, less-murderous-and-demonic Kyuubi and how the Hyuuga must really _love_ foxes before passing out in a deep sleep. Neji sauntered out of the bathroom a few moments later to sit down and meditate as he did every morning.

* * *

"Ohayo, Hokage-sama!" Nori-chan waved.

"Morning!" Naruto waved back as he walked pass her to his own office. "God! I'm SO tired! It must be Monday..."

He turned abruptly to Neji, who was standing as obedient as a dog. "Neji! What day is it?"

"It's Monday, Hokage-sama," Neji quirked a brow at the question.

"I knew it! I won't be able to get anything done today!" Naruto threw a pencil across the room. Neji promptly went to receive the pencil.

"Hokage-sama, please don't neglect your duties..." he handed the discarded item back to a pouting Hokage. He took the offensive object reluctantly and squinted at the Hyuuga's foxy mask. Neji was really hoping that the blonde would just take the pencil and get to work, but deep down inside he knew that would be impossible. He began to think of ways to persuade the childish man into getting to work when these words came out of his mouth.

"Entertain me, Neji."

The words sprang easily out of his mouth and he stared at the Hyuuga in anticipation. Thanks to the mask, the Hokage didn't see Neji turn about a thousand shades of red, because Neji _always _took things the wrong way...sexually.

"Right here, Hokage, um, Uzumaki-san? N-Now?" the long-haired man moved behind Naruto's desk.

"Yeah! Come on! Mondays are hard for me! I need some kind of relief!" he put his hands on the arm rests of his magnificent chair for emphasis and Neji inwardly rejoiced as he schooled his face back into a stoic expression.

He removed his mask. Sitting on the desk, he placed both his hands on the Hokage's well-toned arms as he leaned in. Naruto was entranced by Neji's uncovered beauty and suddenly remembered that only two days ago he had thought of him as the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. His long hair drifted over his shoulder as he leaned in closer. Neji's expression could only be described as purely angelic.

"Neji..." the Hokage breathed. Neji's cheeks colored at the sound of his name. His lips nearly met with his superior's...when Naruto noticed that the Hyuuga was now _sitting on him_ and not on his desk. He also remembered the part about Neji being male.

"WHOA! Wait a second! What are you doing?" he startled himself out of the dream he always seemed to get caught in whenever Neji turned on his charm.

"I-I...well you said!" Neji stood up quickly.

"No! That's not what I meant! I'm not some p-perv! I meant for you to tell jokes or s-something!" his faced flushed heavily. At this moment the intercom went off.

"Hokage-sama!" Nori's voice chimed in musically.

"I'M WORKING!" Naruto yelled back as he slammed the button before even hearing her report.

"Oh, no! Hokage-sama! Is something wrong?" a gasp was heard on the other line, "Neji's molesting you isn't he?"

Before he could answer and say that, no, Neji was only _trying _to molest him, his door banged open, a virtuous secretary burning with a pious light on the other side. Neji sprung even further back from Naruto's desk.

"A m-man walks into a bar..." Neji stood absolutely rigid, mask back in place.

Naruto gaped open-mouthed at the two individuals in his office.

"Why's your face so red, Hokage-sama?" Nori cocked her head to the side and searched the two men for suspicious signs.

"No reason! Please now, I have work to do..." Naruto flung open the nearest folder and began working with an unusual fervor.

Mondays will be Mondays...

* * *

Tuesdays are somewhat tragic days. They accept the mundane existence of living in the working world. However, they significantly best Mondays for being all the closer to Friday and Saturday.

"Break time..." the Hokage groaned. He set a folder down into his 'out' pile and leaned back into his chair. The Hyuuga was still a little timid about yesterday's occurrence, so he very carefully approached the desk.

"Damn you, Sasuke!" he turned to glare at the frame next to his desk, "This is probably all your fault!"

Neji looked curiously at the frame on his desk.

"You keep a picture of Uchiha?" Neji wrinkled his nose and frowned in confusion.

"Sure. I keep all sorts of pictures!" He showed Neji his collection. "This is when Baa-chan announced that I would be the next Hokage! That was so cool..."

His eyes glazed over as he peered at the picture. "And look! This one has you in it!"

He handed Neji the one of the nine rookies plus Neji's team. Neji's eyes curled in happiness at seeing the picture which reminded him of the old days. Not only that, but he was satisfied that he had earned a place on Naruto's desk. He saw many other pictures he recognized. They all seemed to be of very important moments. The one of the revived Kazekage especially caught his attention. He had never seen a photograph of Gaara before.

"I like to keep these to remember where I came from and all the important things that have happened." Naruto gazed sadly at the one of team seven.

'Does he still think of Sasuke as that guy from his team?' Neji wondered to himself.

"Sasuke doesn't even know I _have_ this picture of him!" Naruto waved the picture of the demonic-looking Sasuke at the Hyuuga. "I don't even know where these photographers come from. Must be from the Konoha paper."

"I remember that headline...I think they used a slightly different picture, though," Neji went on, "It was something like 'Sound invades Konoha'. Wasn't it, Hokage-sama?"

"Yeah!" Naruto cracked up, "I bet Sasuke was pissed his name didn't get in the headline. I still can't frickin' believe he thought he could command an army against Konoha all by himself. What an ass!"

"Uzumaki-san...why do you keep his picture then?"

"To relieve stress!" Naruto answered cheerfully as he pulled out a black marker and drew a beard and big ugly glasses on Sasuke's face, snickering all the while. Neji rolled his eyes as Naruto also decided to draw him wearing a brassiere and a little text bubble exclaiming 'I am the real bearded lady!' in big black letters.

"It's true! He's even fruiter than you!" Naruto smiled, "Hey...that rhymed!"

Neji declined to comment.

* * *

Wednesdays decided to add some spice to life. Wednesdays were the days that looked on you with sympathy and said 'Hey! You're almost there! Don't give up!' This Wednesday let Naruto go on a little field trip.

"We all know that today a very important person will be coming to visit the class," the familiar voice of the one and only most-favorite-teacher-ever said.

"Iruka-sensei! Is it true that Naruto only eats and sleeps all day?" a hand shot up from the crowd of students. The whole room filled with laughter.

"Kagura-chan! No! Please don't say such things," Iruka laughed nervously, waving his hands, "All of the Hokages up to this point have always worked very hard and have diligently protected all of Konoha's citizens – including you. And remember, you must address him as 'Hokage-sama.'"

He smiled that kind teacher's smile as another voice piped up.

"Is it true that he killed all the Sound guys all buy himself?" a squeaky voice asked timidly.

"Well...he had a big hand in that, but many people fought hard to stop their attack. I'm sure most of you remember that Godaime-sama nearly gave her life to stop the fighting."

The room became respectfully silent until someone shouted something like 'Big-booby lady!' bringing the whole room to laughter again. A knock on the door caught everyone's attention.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Naruto stood in the doorway, looking as respectable as he could. He was fully clothed in his Hokage hat and white robes, adorned with bright red flames, same as the Yondaime. The whole room gasped.

"Hokage-sama!" young voices cheered and ran over to greet the young handsome man who was their role model.

Iruka led the group to the Hokage monuments as he had done so many times before, while the children ecstatically chattered behind him. Boys looked up in marvel at Naruto's impressive height and proud stride. Many of the girls giggled over how young and dashing he was. Neji kept silently to the side, completely unnoticed.

The children sat as Iruka and Naruto began teaching them the great history of the Hokages. The students listened eagerly, but all their questions were mostly about Naruto himself. Naruto, of course, denied any possible accusation about him being lazy or immature, to which Neji sighed greatly off from the sides. He magnificently retold amazing tales of his deeds, with only slight exaggeration, leaving the children awed and completely positive of Naruto's greatness.

A hand shot up.

"Hokage-sama!"

"Yes, Naoya-kun?" Naruto asked, proud that he had learned all of the children's names so quickly.

"Your face on the mountain looks just like Yondaime's!" he said, "Was he your brother, Hokage-sama?"

Naruto laughed softly and shook his head. "No...Yondaime was much too old to be my brother," he looked at the fourth's honorable face, "I don't have any brothers or sisters. I was born an orphan." he finished.

At his words, the dirty blonde haired boy shrunk.

"I don't have parents either...They died and they didn't even leave me a brother."

Naruto kneeled next to the boy, "Do you want a big brother?"

He nodded his head savagely, his eyes watering slightly.

"Then come visit me anytime! I'll play with you just as if you were mine!" he patted the boy's head and left a smile on his face.

"Hokage-nii-san!" the boy beamed up to him.

"Wai! Iruka-sensei! You've got a bunch of cute kids this year!" Naruto grinned, clasping his hands together.

"Thank you, Hokage! Any more questions?" Iruka turned to his class.

"Yeah! Yeah! Didja ever get to kill that evil snake-guy?" shouted a wild-looking boy from the back of the class.

"Orochimaru?" Naruto asked.

"Naw, that Uchiha guy!"

At the name 'Uchiha' Naruto clenched his fists tightly.

"That, UCHIHA!" he shouted, "I didn't kill him, but I could kick his – "

"Hokage-sama!" Iruka warned.

"Yeah. I could kick his...behind any day," he avoided even the slightest cuss word, "Sasuke's no match against me!"

"YAY! Hokage-sama!" the children cheered.

Somewhere off in the distance, an Uchiha sneezed. Then he realized his milk was rotten and cursed in his little bat-ridden cave. Meanwhile, Neji stood lovestruck admiring his beloved Hokage-sama who was so good with children.

* * *

Thursdays were good days. Naruto got the most work done on Thursdays. Energized by positive Wednesdays, and looking forward to Friday, he always felt accomplished and able to do anything.

"YOSH!" he yelled in an enthusiastic way, "I'll demolish this paperwork today!"

Neji smiled as his Hokage worked his way energetically though the mass of papers. He stopped upon opening one. His expression flickered into suspicion. He crumpled the paper in his hand and tossed it away.

"What was that, Uzumaki-san?" Neji asked curiously.

"Nothing!" he got back to work.

Neji fished out the crumpled paper and read it.

_It's hiding in the water. Let's see who wins this time._

Neji tensed as he read the short message again.

"Naruto! Is this a threat letter?" Neji yelled.

"Naw...it's from...er..." Naruto looked away, not wanting to explain.

"I'll ask Shikamaru to look at this right away," Neji began to reach for the phone, but his hand was stopped by Naruto's.

"Calm down, Neji. If I tell you something, you promise not to tell anyone else?" he asked.

"I don't know..."

"It's from Gaara!"

"Huh?" Neji's eyes widened.

"Swear on your name never to tell," Naruto leaned to the man sinisterly. The Hyuuga nodded.

"What does it mean?"

"It's just another game. It's like a riddle. See?" he snatched the paper from his hands and pointed to a small, almost impossible to see watermark in the corner of the paper, "That's his sign. Also, he always makes sure to mention some element when he writes."

"I don't get it."

Naruto took out a fresh scroll and scribbled a long message on it. Neji tried to peer over his shoulders to read it, but Naruto always moved just so that he couldn't see. When he was finished, he grinned and leaned over to press a button on his intercom.

"Nori-chan, please send in...Kozuma, Satsuki, and...Konohamaru-kun," he said over the speaker.

"Yes, sir," the female secretary replied quickly.

Naruto rolled up the whole scroll hastily and tied it shut to avoid Neji's eyes.

"It's top secret!" Naruto grinned.

"Uzumaki-san...does this game between you two involve _real_ people? Like those rookies you just called for?" the dark-haired man lifted his mask to show his unhappy face.

"Maaaaaaybe. We consider it 'training'." he grinned.

"You play with other people's lives like that? I can't believe this!" he looked genuinely upset as he crossed his arms and turned away from the blonde. To his surprise, the Hokage stepped behind him and rested his arms around the Hyuuga's shoulders in a loose hug.

"Don't be mad, Hyuuga-chan," he cooed, causing the man to shiver, "Usually nobody gets hurt. I mean _I _never tell him to do dangerous things and my riddles never hurt anyone! I'm sure they'll be fine...unless Gaara decides to use explosives again...he's got a mad fetish with blowing things up."

"Naruto!" Neji turned to him with an angry face. At the sight of Neji's face, Naruto had the sudden urge to kiss him. He loved to get the Hyuuga fired up and he loved seeing all his lovely expressions.

'I can't believe it. Can I actually be attracted to you?' Naruto mused to himself. His grip tightened around the angry man's waist this time, and he grinned down at him.

"Promise not to tell..." he whispered seductively. He blew a stray hair away from Neji's neck. The other man nearly fainted. He knew these actions could be viewed as none other than flirtations. He wrapped his own arms around Naruto's neck and buried his head into his chest.

"I won't tell, I promise! Gods, Naruto, I love you so much. I love you," he leaned back to look into his eyes, "Kiss me. Do it now, or I'll die."

Neji tilted his mouth up to nibble gently at Naruto's chin. "Kiss me...Kiss me...you know you're killing me..."

Naruto's expression turned blank. He did sort of bring this upon himself. At the moment he didn't seem to care. It wasn't his fault the long-haired feminine man was looking so gorgeous. It wasn't all the time that the other man showed his passions. Neji was always obediently at his side, answering to every one of his whims.

Naruto would be lying if he said he wasn't affected by this beautiful person requesting his attention so tenderly. Needing Naruto's lips. The blonde grabbed the other man's face and looked into his eyes. He studied the situation.

'I like Neji. He's a good guy. He always does every thing I ask, no matter how annoying. Would it be so bad to give him something back?' he asked himself. 'He sure is looking tasty...'

"Uzu...ma...ki...san..." Neji's lips quivered as all the breath seemed to leave his body.

"Can I get a rain check?" Naruto asked. Neji's heart dropped to the floor.

"What?"

"I don't know about this..." Naruto mumbled. The last thing he wanted was to led his trusted servant on. He also had never kissed another man before.

"Uzumaki-san!" Neji hugged him tightly and somewhat possessively, "Please? I love you so much it hurts. Just do it to humor me."

Puppy eyes looked awfully adorable on a guy like Neji.

"Stop it, Neji. You're bein' cute."

"Pretty please...?" Neji deliberately batted his long black lashes at Naruto. To this, Naruto could only laugh. He peeled the man off of him and made his way back to his desk on his tip toes.

"Neji, I order you to stop. Just stay over there for the rest of the day, or I'll never get my work done!"

"That's not fair!" Neji whined in an uncharacteristic manner.

"Fine. I promise to kiss you later," Naruto sighed indifferently.

'YATTA!' Neji cheered in his mind. You never saw a man stand so perfectly still in your whole life. When the trio of rookies entered the room, they wondered if Neji was a mere statue of an ANBU member.

Kozuma bounded in with Satsuki and Konohamaru. Naruto looked at the three with a solemn expression on his face. Kozuma never failed to remind him of Kiba, which is probably why Naruto enjoyed picking on him so much. Satsuki was a promising young kunoichi Naruto secretly admired. Konohamaru had grown to be much different from the snot-nosed brat he used to be. The blonde Hokage especially loved to monitor his improvement.

Currently this team was looking nervous and fidgety.

"I have a top secret mission for you," Naruto said. Satsuki gasped and Kozuma's body tensed even more. Naruto presented them with a scroll and Konohamaru took it with care.

"Yes, Hokage-sama!" the three of them saluted.

"Report back as soon as the mission is completed. You are dismissed!"

The three vanished. After an hour of silence, Naruto turned to the Neji-statue.

"You can breathe now."

Neji let out an enormous sigh.

* * *

Everyone loves Friday. Naruto is no exception, even Neji seems more light-footed. Fridays seem to just breeze by cheerfully. It's a day to wrap up the week's work. Even though the Hokage works everyday, he has the most work on the week days and gets to work from home on the weekends.

This Friday had gone by with incredible speed. Naruto was already bouncing out of his office.

"KYA! HAPPY HOUR!" he beamed with his arms in the air. He pulled on his Hokage robes and lifted Nori two feet in the air. "Come with us to the karaoke bar, Nori-chan!"

"Us?" Neji muttered behind him. His opinions didn't matter at all, did they? Neji didn't drink, not that Naruto would care.

"Sorry, Hokage-sama. I've got a hot date," she winked. Naruto gasped and clutched his heart dramatically.

"With who?"

"I'd tell you, but you'd be mad," she teased.

"Oh, no. Now I _have_ to know! It's just between us, now spill it!"

She leaned up to his ear and whispered. The Hokage's jaw dropped to the ground.

"Iruka! My Iruka-sensei? Noooo! Why, Nori-chan? He's old enough to be your dad!"

"You know that's not true!" she laughed, "I'm older than I look. Just don't tell anyone! Ciao!"

She waved and was off. Naruto sighed and grumbled repeatedly.

"Let's just go. I wanna catch the rest of the guys!" he tugged on Neji's sleeve. Together in the elevator, Neji turned to the Hokage.

"Hokage-sama, I don't drink," he said.

"Aww. Really? Not even with the Hokage?" he turned to look at Neji slyly. The long-haired Hyuuga bit his lip and looked sheepishly to the side. He knew he would say something like that. He moved closer to the blonde in the elevator and wrapped an arm around his.

"Well in that case...can I collect on my kiss?"

"Huuuh?"

The Hyuuga was already leaning up to the other man. Naruto switched on his 'freak out' button.

"AHH! RAPE! SOMEBODY SAVE ME! HELP! NEJI STOP! AHHHHHH!" he wailed and waved his arms like a man that had fallen overboard. Everyday he was with the blonde, Neji got bolder and bolder. He knew he couldn't mistake the attraction that briefly lit up in Naruto's eyes.

"Quit being a baby. You promised," he wrapped his arms around the other man and made a kissing face, when they both heard something from behind.

"Hokage-sama...?" two young females in chunin vests said at the same time. The elevator had stopped on the first floor and the door had opened long ago. The two girls wore odd expressions between amusement and shock on their faces.

"Hi, ladies!" Naruto waved shamelessly. He mumbled under his breath, "Let's get the hell out of here, Neji."

"Practicing for a play, Neji-kun?" spunkier of the two sneered. Neji was not one to be made fun of. He glared back a glare so evil, that both the girls flattened themselves to the very back of the elevator, identical looks of terror on their faces.

"You got a patent on that glare? That was kinda scary."

"Serves them right. Poking fun of our love," Neji smirked and held on tighter to Naruto.

"AH! Why are you still attached to me? Let go!" he whined.

"You let go first."

He had a point. Naruto had his arm tightly around his shoulders. The Hyuuga couldn't move even if he wanted to. That of course changed as soon as Neji pointed it out.

By the time they reached the karaoke bar, most of Naruto's drinking buddies were there. Ino and Kiba were attached by the hip, as usual. Shikamaru and Chouji were there also. Even Gai-sensei and Kakashi-sensei were there. (Lee was not for obvious reasons.)

"Hokage-kun!" Kakashi called.

"Oi, Naruto!" that was Kiba and there was a short wave from Ino.

Neji did his best to avoid drinking while he was there. He mostly sat back and listened to everyone else chatting or in Shikamaru's case, complaining about life in general. He sipped sake only once and awhile so it wouldn't look like he was too out of place. He watched Naruto preform a few songs which got everyone there excited.

"Yeah! Sankyou! Sankyou, everybody!" he bowed.

Neji just knew that sooner or later Naruto was going to force him on stage to sing as well. He drank a little more to build up his courage. After a few more hours everyone else had sung, and Neji had to admit he was feeling a extremely left out. Then again, he couldn't really blame them for leaving him out on the 'fun'.

'Excuse me for being the uptight Hyuuga,' he pouted into his glass, 'Now I kind of _want_ to sing.'

"Yeah! Yeah! You know what else? My secretary, Nori-chan – "

"Wait, wait. Is that the sexy one with the black hair and glasses?"

"Yeah! But listen, Shika! Okay, so Neji and I saw her today – well, actually we see her everyday – but she said she had a hot date! And I was like noooooooo! Because she's totally in love with _me_" Naruto pointed to himself, "But no! You won't believe it! She's going out with, w-with...with..."

"With?" everyone leaned in, and mumbled in their drunken dazes.

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto howled, "It's horrible! She'll molest him or something! My poor sensei!"

Naruto cried and everyone else groaned.

"Is that all? Jesus, Naruto. Gimme that. I'm gonna sing a song. Nobody wants to hear about your sensei," Kiba wobbled over and grabbed the mike.

"That's not entirely true!" an inebriated Gai put his hand on Kakashi's shoulder, "Kakashi, my biggest rival for all life – "

And Gai never finished his sentence because Kakashi was suddenly on stage singing a heartfelt love song with amazing enthusiasm. Kiba blinked and stared at his empty hand in wonderment.

"Go, Kakashi!" Ino cheered. "I love this song!"

At this moment, Naruto finally remembered he had brought someone else with him.

"Neji?" he looked at the masked man like he had just realized he had forgotten to turn off the oven.

"Hi, Uzumaki-san."

'Oh, shoot. He's been here the whole time,' he inwardly smacked himself.

"Neji-kun!" Naruto launched himself on the unsuspecting man, "What are you doing sitting around there? I've been waiting forever to hear your lovely singing voice!"

Now that he was actually on top of him, asking him to sing, Neji felt nervous again.

"B-But I think Kiba wants to go next," he pointed to the dog-boy who was wearing an amused grin watching Kakashi singing and even dancing a little.

"He won't mind..." Naruto murmured to the other man.

So Neji was tossed on stage next. Even though he knew some up beat and popular songs, they weren't really his style. He ended up picking the most depressing song about unrequited love. Once the music started, Neji transformed. He sang with passion, he sang with his heart! And he had an amazing voice. This was sort of a negative thing from a comedic point of view – at least that's what Naruto thought.

'Man, I was half-wishing he'd croak like a frog or stutter like Hinata,' he leaned on the counter as he watched Neji break people's hearts.

"That's. Such. A _SAD_ SONG!" Ino sobbed.

"He's a good singer," Kakashi praised and drunk to his singing. Neji's song ended on a lovely low note. The room of sobbing winos and drunks gave him a standing ovation.

Finally, that hour came around. It was the hour when people knew they should be getting home, the hour in which they decided to take care of the responsibilities they swore the could care less about moments ago. At least it was that hour for most people. Some were out cold and had no idea what was going on.

"Damn, it's late," Shikamaru hiccuped. He left with a little wave after kicking Chouji off his stool.

"Come on! Come on, Ne-Neeeeeeji!" Naruto mewed and picked up the smaller man. He turned to the two other ANBU guards, "Kiiiiiba! Inooooo! Come on! Come on! Let's go!"

"GIMME A MINUTE!" Kiba yelled. He nudged Ino who had long since passed out. She rolled over and murmured some nonsense.

"Kiiiiba! Kiba!"

"Dammit, just go without us. We'll catch up later."

The blonde shrugged and wobbled out with the Hyuuga glued to his side for support. As they walked down the street and continued to bump into each other, Neji looked up and noticed something. Naruto wasn't looking where he was going. That was normal enough, since he was plastered, but the strange part was that he had been staring at Neji the whole time since they had left.

"Uzumaki-s-san?"

"You! Are a really good singer..." he poked Neji's cheek lightly. "I'm not just saying that because I wanna get in your pants either."

"Wha –?"

"I _would_ like to know what a cute place like you is doing in a girl like this! Don't you have school tomorrow?" he leaned heavily on the dark-haired man.

"_Uzumaki!_ Get off!"

"Neji! Neji! I was kidding," he burst out laughing and couldn't stop until they reached the door to his place. Neji had to fish the key from Naruto's pockets. He turned to unlock the door and stopped. At this moment he realized he was a lot less drunk than Naruto. It was the blonde's own fault if that worked to his advantage.

"Hey! What's the hold up?" the drunken Hokage yelled, "I'm cold!"

"You think I'm a good singer?"

"Hmm...yeah."

"Good enough to kiss?" Neji leaned forward and put on his most seductive face.

"_Neji!_" Naruto's hand covered his whole face. The Hyuuga was so flustered he barely noticed when the other man had taken the keys from him and opened the door. He was halfway to the stairs when a teary eyed Neji went in and followed after him.

'Even when he's drunk, he still doesn't want me!' he blinked away his angry tears and reached the top of the stairs first. He reached for the doorknob, but a large tan hand placed itself on top of his pale one to stop him from opening it.

"Neji...maybe you should stay out here tonight. I don't wanna do anything stupid that'll ruin our first week together," the blonde man said with a serious glint in his eyes. Neji was now again on the verge of tears.

"No! I'm going in with you!" he looked up with a look of pure determination on his face, "It's for your own protection!"

Naruto laughed.

"Well...if you put it that way..."

He opened the door and let the both of them in. The first thing he did was kick off his shoes. He sat on the edge of his bed and yawned. Neji sat down next to him, swearing not to do anything too bad to the other man, but still determined to get his promised kiss. He waited impatiently and dug his nails into the bed. Naruto yawned again, got up and removed his coat.

Neji watched quietly as he turned out the lights and crawled under his covers.

'Should I just leave him alone and go to the couch? He does kind of seem tired...' Neji wondered as he removed his light ANBU armor.

A few moments later there was another rustle of sheets as Neji joined Naruto in the soft, comfortable bed.

"Hmmm...what are you doing, Hyuuga?" the Hokage moaned.

"I have a bad back."

The blonde's laughter was heartwarming.

"You're not gonna stop bugging me until I kiss you, right?" he turned to the other man lazily. The long-haired Hyuuga smiled cutely. "Fine. 'ere goes."

He got up sluggishly and moved over the Hyuuga. Neji tilted his chin up slightly as Naruto descended down on him slowly.

And their lips met.

Naruto could have backed off at that instant. Even the slightest tap of the lips would have been enough to be a kiss, but instead his lips continued to move slowly and sensually against Neji's. Neji closed his eyes and savored his alcoholic kisses, expecting him to move away at any second. He wrapped his arms around Naruto to keep him for as long as he could and was surprised when Naruto held him back.

He didn't just hold him back, he _pulled _him closer, his hands pressed firmly against the flimsy black material of Neji's tank top. And when Neji gasped, Naruto took the opportunity to attack his mouth with his tongue.

"Nnn!" Neji moaned. Naruto only kissed him more deeply and passionately. He ran his hand through his dark hair and pulled it a little roughly, causing him to shiver in pleasure. Wild and erratic thoughts ran through his head as the rain of kisses seemed to never end. Only when Neji felt he couldn't breathe any more, did Naruto part from him. After letting the Hyuuga regain his breath, the blonde crushed his lips to Neji's again.

When he first began kissing Neji, he was both sleepy and mildly drunk, but as it always happens with the Kyuubi container, the alcoholic buzz wore off quickly. It was right when he had his hand under Neji's shirt, rubbing his hardened nipple with his thumb that he was fully back to his senses. At first he was surprised, but he knew vaguely what was going on before and the reality of Neji's firm, pleading body pressed tightly under his could not be mistaken for a dream. He tried to lift himself off for a moment, but he couldn't move far with Neji's arms so tightly around him. He looked at the man under him. His face was heavily flushed with lust and passion.

"Neji..."

"More...Uzumaki..." he panted.

Naruto closed his eyes and leaned down to lick a small trail of saliva from the corner of Neji's mouth before nibbling the reddened lips and kissing him again. It was wrong to deny the body what it desired. In the end he knew that he had been wanting this more and more each day as the Hyuuga silently obeyed him and quietly teased him.

That beautiful face indulging in sin was too much for Naruto to resist.

Small delicious sounds came from the Hyuuga. Every moment his pants and moans were heard more intensely by Naruto's sensitive ears. The body pressed against his seemed to get hotter and hotter until Naruto could swear they were both melting together. When Neji rubbed his hips into his own, Naruto himself let out a moan.

'Maybe I should stop? I s-should stop now...I c-can't...I can't!' Naruto battled with himself and yet his lips never left Neji's.

They rolled together in the scarlet sheets, bodies intertwined and lips melded together for what seemed like an eternity. Neither could let go and neither _wanted_ to. Arousals were at their peeks and Neji could swear he had never been so completely and passionately overwhelmed by anyone.

Finally, when they both seemed incapable of moving their lips anymore, they parted. Naruto's swollen lips planted a few more delicate kisses along his jaw before speaking.

"Thank you...for y-your...work this week. G'night," he left one last kiss on the Hyuuga's burning cheek before turning over and pulling the sheets over himself.

Neji was dazed. He still felt his heart racing even after the man wasn't even touching him anymore. His lips felt sore and he almost had to force his breathing to slow down. He turned to Naruto. He seemed to be in a deep slumber, or at least he was doing an amazing job pretending to be in a deep sleep.

"Uzumaki-san..." he poked the man's shoulders carefully. "Uzumaki?"

When he didn't respond except with light sleeping nosies, the curious Hyuuga crawled around to the other side of him. He curled his body to face Naruto. He supposed he wouldn't be getting anymore from the blonde, so he pressed his face against his chest, a soft blush covering his features. He got much more than he had bargained for. He was remarkably content, even more so when a sleepy arm draped over him as he was drifting off to sleep.

The next morning Neji woke up an hour or two late. He knew he would miss the blonde intensely over the weekend.


	5. Even Walls Have Ears

**Pairings:** NaruNeji! Yay!

**Warnings: **p0rn. Neji's got sk1llz. Lolz.

**Author's Notes: **Hahahaha! I think about this story all the time! It's so fun! I love writing it! I hope you like it too!

YATTA! READ ON!

* * *

**Even Walls Have Ears**

Neji was in the best of best moods. You probably would be too if the man you loved stuck his tongue down your throat and joined you in the hottest make out session of your life. Neji was really endlessly happy. His joy was barely contained. He would have gone smiling and skipping through the streets if he didn't have an image to maintain. He settled for just smiling.

He swung his bag over his shoulder as he made his way to the Hyuuga manor.

'Eeeeeeeee!' Neji squealed in his head like a little girl, 'I can't believe that happened! He kissed me! He _made out_ with me and even let me sleep with him!'

Neji halted in the street with the silliest of happy smiles on his face. He breathed in deeply and let out a contented sigh. Right now he felt like spreading his arms and announcing his love for the blonde to the whole world. He wasn't going to last long like this. He had to tell someone!

When he reached the Hyuuga house, he cheerfully swung the door open.

"TADAIMA!" his voice echoed through the empty garden louder than he had intended it to. Well, at least _now_ all of the Hyuugas should be awake if they weren't already.

"Oh...Neji-chan? Is that you...?" a shriveled old voice asked.

"Grandpa!" the healthy Hyuuga turned and bid the old, hunched over man a good morning. This ancient man was always near the front of the house. In his youth, he was a strict, conservative, and temperamental man, much like Hiashi. Now he was no more than a harmless old man that spent his whole day in the garden.

'I definitely can't tell you,' Neji thought as he ran to his quarters in the Branch House section of the manor.

When he reached his room, there was someone waiting for him in front of his door. His little cousin was waiting at his door with her back leaned up against it. When she saw her cousin, she smiled a purely happy smile.

"Welcome home, Nii-san!"

"Thank you, Hinata," he fought down his growing smile.

"Otousan wanted me to tell you breakfast would be ready for you when you came home. We expected you to be a little e-earlier...n-not that you're late or anything!" she fumbled shyly with her fingers as Neji carefully set his bag on his bed. When he was ready to go to the dining room, she smiled up at him again, "I'm glad you're back, Neji-nii-san!"

* * *

Naruto woke up feeling very groggy, like he had spent all of last night drinking irresponsibly.

'What a second...I did,' he rubbed his temples and yawned loudly. 'My head hurts. Kyuubi! Do something about that.'

Somewhere deep in his abdomen a nine-tailed demon growled. He sat up a little more and untangled the covers that had been wrapped around his legs. He rubbed his eyes and yawned once more, never noticing the fierce knocks at his door. It wasn't until he heard the angry yells behind the knocks that he realized someone was trying to get his attention.

"HOKAGE! YOU FLIPPING IDIOT! ARE YOU AWAKE OR AM I GONNA HAVE TO POUND ON THIS DOOR ALL DAY?" the unmistakable voice of an irritated Kiba shouted.

"Come in," Naruto mumbled wearily. He wondered how the dog-faced man could manage to keep that horrible temper of his without spontaneously combusting. The door was kicked open roughly and Kiba stomped into the room. Due to his headache, Naruto didn't have the energy to cheerfully wish the Inuzuka a good morning. Instead he asked for the time, his voice making him sound completely exhausted.

"What does it matter _now_ what time it is?" Kiba growled, "You've already missed your meeting to feed the homeless, you idiot!"

"Huh? We have homeless?" Naruto gaped.

"Yeah...you know, Bob...Dammit Naruto! That's not the point! You were supposed to be up an hour and a half ago!"

It was nice to be famous and powerful. On the one hand, you had loyal followers that would lick yours toes and wipe your ass if you asked them too. On the other hand, you had those people that made it their jobs to tell you what you were doing wrong all day, everyday. Not to mention those childhood friends that knew too much about you to ever look beyond the time they caught you picking your nose or ditching class. The title and power didn't phase them. They would keep on nagging you until you died or went insane.

"You ass! Do you know how long I've been pounding on that frickin' door? What the hell am I supposed to tell Bob? He's probably starving now because of you!"

"SO BUILD HIM A HOUSE! DAMN IT! WILL YOU SHUT UP, KIBA?" Naruto snapped. He wondered how it was impossible for Konoha to attend to _one_ homeless guy's needs. "I'm tired..."

Naruto felt the silky sheets around him. He had a sudden feeling he had forgotten something. The scarlet sheets that always seemed to look better at night were sightly sweaty. All of the sudden, he remembered. He looked up quickly to face Kiba. The spiky haired boy instantly turned his angry gaze to the window, a light blush tinting his tan cheeks.

"Where's Neji?"

"U-Uhh...he...he l-left early this morning," Kiba stuttered and awkwardly tried to move his hands in a comfortable position, which only made him more uncomfortable. The blonde quirked a brow.

"What the hell is _your _problem?"

Kiba turned to pin the other man with his glare.

"I heard e-everything last night! These ears aren't just for show, you know!" the man indicated his slightly pointed ears.

'Oh...that's right. Super hearing,' Naruto closed his eyes. It seems each year his ears get better and better. You can't whisper around Kiba without him hearing.

"What are you talking about, Kiba?" Naruto feigned ignorance.

"Y-You know! You and N-Neji screwing like bunnies all night long!" his face was now bright red.

"W-WHAT? SCREWING LIKE BUNNIES?" Naruto scampered the the edge of his bed and grabbed Kiba's collar, "I think you need your ears checked!"

"Oh, yeah? Then what else were you doing that made you both moan 'n groan in here? You were at it for hours!" he spat back.

"Hours?" Had Naruto really lost track of time that badly?

"Yeah, you idiot! You were probably too wrapped up in screwing him senseless to notice, but I heard every frickin' thing! When he was beggin' you for more I couldn't take it anymore and I put my headphones!"

"Oh..."

"Don't 'Oh' me, you bastard! You scarred me for life! You know I finally took my headphones off an hour later and I could STILL hear you! You frickin' sicko pervert – "

"Alright! Alright! _Geez_...If it makes you feel better, we weren't having sex."

Kiba blinked.

"Say what? T-Then what where you _doing?_"

Naruto sighed. He was starting to get a little embarrassed. How to explain this in a nice way...

"Nothing. We were just kissing," he said. Kiba scrunched up his features.

"Why?" he squinted his eyes and shook his head as he spoke.

"I dunno. Seemed like the thing to do at the time," the blonde shrugged and got out of bed.

"Seemed like the thing to do! If you felt like screwing his brains out, would you have done that too?" Kiba flipped out and followed the staggering Hokage to the bathroom door.

"Hell no! I don't know how to have sex with men!"

Naruto's answer left Kiba with an odd expression on his face. He decided he honestly didn't want to know.

* * *

Back at the Hyuuga household, Neji completed his chores with a cheerful expression plastered to his face. His eyes were closed in contentment and his lips seemed to be permanently curved in a little grin. Whenever Hinata caught his glance, she giggled like a schoolgirl. She found this change in her cousin irresistibly cute. She had a vague understanding of why it was there.

Hiashi, however, had a different reaction to all this. At first he was pleasantly surprised to see his nephew in such high spirits, but now, he was starting to get suspicious. Neji hung clothes to dry with a smile on his face and did everything else with a cheerful demeanor.

This head of the household was reasonable in his suspicion. It was fine for the boy to be just a little more pleasant and kind to his cousin and himself after a good week in a new exciting job, but Neji _never _hummed while doing chores. He always kept a serious and dedicated expression.

He decided he would have to keep an eye on the boy while he was here for the weekend.

Most of the afternoon, Neji did chore upon chore and ran errands for the other members of the household. All this was incredibly boring and Neji always considered this type of thing to be below him. Being a member of the Branch house, he didn't have much choice.

The only person in the whole Hyuuga household he truly considered to be his friend was Hinata. He was dying to tell her everything about him and Naruto. She would understand. After most of his chores and errands, he asked her to train with him in order to get that chance to tell her everything.

Her gaze was intensely focused. She never played around when she was training.

"HA!" her gentle fist nearly connected with Neji's chest before he barely deflected it. Neji was more proud of her than any one else. She's not like any of the other girls in Konoha. She works twice as hard and yet she doesn't have a bad attitude or a speck of arrogance. She is pure discipline and skill. She'd grown in so many ways. Neji even finds her to be a match for him.

Being Neji, he couldn't tell her that of course. Instead he only smiled and continued to spar with her.

"Hey, Hinata? Who do you train with while I'm gone?" he asked when they had finished their little training session.

"Um...a little with Hanabi and sometimes with Ino or Lee."

"Lee...that explains your increase in speed. Hinata have you thought about – "

Neji stopped speaking when he heard the door slide open. It was his uncle.

"Ah...there you are, Neji. I was looking for you. Training, eh? That's excellent."

Neji's eye twitched in the slightest at his uncle. He was ignoring Hinata again. Even though she worked just as hard as he did, he didn't care to even acknowledge her when he walked into the room. Neji managed a curt bow and Hinata bowed her head slightly and a tad shamefully. She noticed everything Neji did. She only wanted to be as good as him...

"If you're not too tired, Neji, I'd like to train with you a little bit more. It's been a week since we've seen each other. I'm sure being with the Hokage has put you on your toes."

Neji nodded and readied himself in the Hyuuga fighting stance.

Hinata silently went off the sides to watch.

* * *

Naruto sighed as he took off his reading glasses. It seemed like the Hokage never got any rest. On the weekends he worked in his home office, where he was now, wishing he could escape. His headache had become no more than a soft throbbing, but it was enough to get on his nerves.

"Hokage-sama, sir, I brought you your coffee," a ragged scruffy-looking man said, bowing a bit excessively.

"Thank you, Bob!" Naruto smiled. As compensation for not meeting with him earlier, Naruto decided he would allow the poor man to spend the day with him and maybe take him out to have some ramen later on. He took a sip of the black substance as Bob watched him with big gray eyes.

"Do ya like it, your Majesty?"

"Er...yeah!"

Near the door to Naruto's office, Kiba laughed. He was sitting in a chair casually reading a magazine. Bob sat down on the floor next to Kiba after bowing to Naruto again repeatedly. Naruto smiled at the two guys and coughed softly.

"Um...You can use the chair, Bob...if you want."

Bob quickly scampered over and pulled the chair closer to Kiba's so he could read along with him. Naruto was too bored to continue his work so he just observed the two men in front of him enjoying their piece of literature. Judging by the naked woman on the cover of said "piece of literature", Naruto could guess they would be enjoying it very much.

"What cha readin' Kiba?" Naruto grinned. Kiba merely lifted the magazine up up, not removing his eyes from it. "Hmmm...You can never read anything that doesn't have pictures in it, huh, Kiba?"

"Shut up, Naru...This article's funny," Kiba grumbled.

"Hey...she's a looker," Konoha's Hobo pointed to the corner of the magazine. The half-masked dog-boy moved his gaze to take a look. He froze completely.

"Eh? Lemme see!" Naruto leaned forward on his desk. "Come on, Kiba! Share! Share! Eh...Kiba...?"

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He blinked furiously, and then rubbed his eyes. By the time he had held the magazine arm's length away, Naruto was too curious. He jumped over next to the other two guys.

"N-Na-Naruto...Is that who I think it is?"

Naruto bent over his shoulder intently, with a cheerful smile on his face, humming a tune.

"_Definitely_ a looker...HEY, WHAT?" Naruto passed out shortly after from blood loss.

* * *

Neji was pretty exhausted when he reached his room again. It seemed like his uncle wanted to spend the whole day training with him. It was early evening before he could even _think _about taking that long awaited shower. First he tossed himself down on his bed. His bed...he missed Naruto's bed...

'I wonder what he's doing right now?' Neji wrapped his arms around the big fluffy comforter and sighed deeply. He already wanted to go back. There was a shy knock at his door.

"Come in," he sat up from his bed as Hinata slid the door open.

"Hi, N-Nii-san..." she smiled and sat next to him on his bed. She turned her white eyes towards him expectantly.

"Yes, Hinata?"

"A-Are...you going to tell me about w-working with...him," she blushed nearly a thousand shades red. She was dying to hear all about her one true love and Neji was boiling to tell her. He was like a tea kettle waiting go burst. Now that had had the go-ahead, he couldn't stand to keep quiet anymore. He sprung off his bed with amazing energy.

"OH. MY. GOD! HINATA! HE'S SO AMAZING! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I COULD DIE! WORKING FOR HIM IS LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE!" Neji rambled on loudly, waving his arms energetically like a kid.

Hinata laughed with her small white hand up to her mouth.

"He's kind of troublesome and lazy because he doesn't work all the time and sometimes I have to push him, but you know he's like that!" he gasped as he continued, "But I get to see him everyday and it's the best thing ever! Hinata! No no no! That's not it! I get to SLEEP with him, IN HIS ROOM!"

His eyes glowed with fire as he smiled a wide ecstatic smile. Hinata laughed even more as she blushed just thinking about sleeping in the same room as Naruto.

"I knew you were hiding something from me!" she giggled, "I'm so jealous, Neji!"

Although it is a well-known fact all around town that Hinata is head over heels in love with Naruto, it is less-widely known that Neji is also just as deeply taken with him. Hinata had had her suspicions, but now she was positive that they loved the same man. She laughed and was really happy to have something in common with Neji even if it was something like this.

"I know something else that will make you even MORE jealous!" He beamed.

"Heehee! Then don't tell me!" she joked. Neji covered his mouth with his hands as he snickered deviously, his eyes expressing pure amusement. "Neji! I've never seen you like this! It must have been something special. Tell me! Tell me!"

"Okay!" he stood up and put his hands on his hips triumphantly, "WE MADE OUT FOR HOURS!"

Hinata stared with her mouth open in a giant smile. Then her eyes slowly roamed to the corner of the room, at that moment her smile faded and an enormous blush settled across her face.

"Dinner is served," Hiashi muttered in a deep serious voice.

"..."

Neji felt like stabbing himself repeatedly. He didn't bother to turn his head, and was still striking a pose until he heard the door close again. He collapsed on the bed sobbing like a girl.

"Shh...Neji. Maybe he didn't hear?" she tried to soothe him, but it they both knew that unless Hiashi was _extremely_ hard of hearing or he just teleported there magically on the spot, that that was impossible. Who knew what his uncle had in store for him.

* * *

Somewhere down the street three men walked laughing their heads off. They strolled down the street with their arms over each other's shoulders like they were the best of friends. They were headed off to the Ichiraku.

"Hahaha! Hokage! Do you really think it was him?" Kiba roared with laughter.

"I dunno!" Naruto laughed in response, "But that has got to be the best thing I've ever seen! ...You hungry, Bob?"

The three of them continued happily to the ramen stand. Naruto grinned wildly – wilder than the other two men – at remembering the picture. There was no mistake that this one was a "Looker", but who exactly had long dark hair, dark long lashes framing perfectly clear eyes, and that absolutely pale perfect skin? It was a mystery. Perhaps the editor forgot to add a picture and at the last minute stuck this one in. It was masterfully done. From the position, the reader couldn't really tell if the model was a male or female. If it was who Kiba and Naruto suspected it to be, then there was even more to laugh about.

The picture itself was completely drool-worthy. A stark naked feminine creature was sprawled out on a bed of white, clutching a pillow to it's chest (effectively covering where there would have been breasts, or lack thereof). Chocolatey dark brown hair as soft and touchable as silk, framed the lovely face and spread across the ivory linen. The lips were glazed an icy pink, tantalizing and yet still retaining a sense of purity. The creamy skin was begging to be marked and touched. Worst of all was the expression of the face. Eyes stared forward, smoky and seductive. The beautiful long lashes framed pure white eyes, that could be no other than a Hyuuga's. The glossy pink lips were curved in a cruelly beckoning smile.

Naruto blushed.

"M-Mabye it was his twin sister?" he rubbed the back of his head and sat down in his special Hokage chair.

"Yeah, right. Face it, Uzumaki. Neji's a porn star," Kiba smirked, "A pretty fine one too."

Naruto's mouth hung open. Even Kiba thinks he's attractive! Naruto turned a few shades darker. He could tell this was going to be bad whenever he saw him again.

"Who's Neji?" Bob finally spoke, looking like a curious dog, his head tilted to the side slightly.

"The Hokage's lover!"

"KIBA!"

At all the commotion, the owner walked out from the back of the store. He smiled generously at every one.

"What'll you have boys?"

* * *

The Hyuuga estate was having the most awkward supper in a long time. Hanabi stared at everyone else curiously with her small calculating eyes. She ate quickly and gave an excuse to leave.

The table was entirely silent.

The Hyuuga family tried to not even make a sound when they were eating. Hinata picked at her food curiously, and expected a fight to break out between the two other men at any moment. Neji was wound up so tight he could barely open and close his mouth to eat.

'Any minute now...' he tried not to look nervous, 'Uncle can't possibly approve. He'll say something that will be sure to ruin my life.'

Hiashi was the most relaxed member of the family at the table, which only made everyone else more tense. He ate politely without a word. He did nothing to relieve the uneasiness surrounding them. It was getting to the point where even the air in the room seemed to be weighing down on everyone. Finally, he set down his tea cup and sighed. Hinata and Neji looked up like frightened children.

"I've been wanting to say this for a long time..." he began.

Neji's bows creased together as he tried to anticipate the worst. Hinata cringed.

"I think it's about time we get you married," he turned from looking straight ahead, to looking directly at Neji, "I'm talking about you, son."

He felt like collapsing to the floor and beating himself silly. He also had an urge to stand up defiantly and give his uncle a piece of his mind. Why did he have to be so loud in his room? If only he hadn't heard – now it's certain that he had. He wants to marry his shameful nephew out of the family, so he doesn't have to see his face ever again.

"I-I'm an ANBU...I don't have time for marriage," Neji argued, hiding his true feelings.

"Carrying on the Hyuuga name is more important than being an ANBU, Neji!" his uncle cut in sharply.

"Huh?" Neji blinked. He wants to keep Neji in the family even after hearing his outburst. "W-What do you mean, Hiashi-sama?"

"You will marry someone from the Hyuuga family and will follow me as the head of the house. It's not mere coincidence that you have managed to be the most skillful of our clan. Not every Hyuuga can master all that you have. I'm acknowledging your skills."

"But that would make me part of the Main House!" Neji didn't understand where he was going with this at all. It was impossible to switch from being a lowly Branch House member to the _head_ of the house. Why didn't he want Hinata to do all of this? Neji looked to his cousin and saw her shrinking sadly.

"What about Hinata? She's your _daughter!_" Neji yelled. He didn't care if he was being disrespectful or not. He was tired of this. Why couldn't he just work with her instead?

"Lower your voice, Neji!" his voice was like a blow to his face, "I didn't forget about her. The two of you together will rule as the head of the house. You two will be married."

"WHAT?"

"Eh? Otousan...N-Neji-san and I...can't..." she looked on the verge of tears. Hiashi finally turned his attention to his first born – something he hadn't done in a long time.

"Hinata, we've spoken about this before. It's Hyuuga tradition to marry inside of the family. You knew that someday you would have to marry a Hyuuga. Preferably the strongest and wisest Hyuuga. That just happens to be Neji. You should consider yourself lucky. He's in your age range and is a very – "

"Stop!" Neji slammed his hands on the table and stood up, "I don't want to marry her!"

"Neji!"

"No! I don't care about the Hyuuga tradition!" he was steaming with anger.

"Oh?" Hyuuga Hiashi raised his eyebrow tentatively, "I thought it was your dream to be part of the Main House?"

Neji's anger was barely stifled. His hands were clenched in fists.

'That's true. I don't want to die a slave. I just want to be free from all the rules. Why does he have to pick _this _way?'

"T-That's not true! I just want to be able to do what I want for once..." Neji looked away, spitefully.

"Neji...I've done my best to take care of you. If you asked, I would do anything for you. I let you become an ANBU. I give you so many freedoms that you probably don't even realize, but there's one thing I can't do for you and that is to destroy the Hyuuga tradition."

That's also true. Hyuuga tradition is as solid as a concrete wall. His uncle has been very kind and understanding to him, even treating him like his own son. Neji's heart was tormented. The only thing he wanted was to be close to the one he loved. He could care less about tradition when he was around Naruto.

"Neji, please don't look at this badly. I only want you to have the best of things. I think it's what your father would have wanted."

He got up and moved over to his nephew.

"Don't forget, your father was my brother and I loved him very much. If you could be the head of the house – along with Hinata – I think he could rest peacefully."

'Dammit! How could he use my father's memory against me?' Neji was full of so many emotions at the moment.

He knew he couldn't yell at his uncle when he was not really being cruel to him. He made it sound like having him marry his own cousin was the best thing that could happen to him.

"Yes, sir." Neji resigned and stormed off to his room, leaving Hinata and his uncle alone.

Neji was completely heart-broken. He sat on the floor next to his bed contemplating all the ways to kill himself.

"Damn this stupid curse!" he yelled as he lifted his bangs away and pressed his palm to the symbol burned on his forehead. He half expected it to glow with his uncle's fury, but it felt the same as always. It was such misery to know that he could be hurt or killed at any moment because of this symbol on his skin. And this was family tradition? It was tradition to torture the members of the family!

Neji was such an emotional wreck that when he looked to the bags he had put neatly to the side, his heart nearly leaped into his throat.

'I forgot to shower! I can't believe I forgot to shower!'

Neji rushed to the bathroom and locked himself in there, lathering, rinsing and repeating several times. Washing himself and caring for his hair was one of the few things that brought him comfort. He was in there easily for 2 hours, water running over his body.

* * *

"You're the man, Bob!" Naruto pointed as Bob showed off his card tricks. The old man and Kiba laughed and cheered along as well.

They had been in the stand for quite a while laughing, joking, and eating entirely too much. Finally they got up and Kiba and Naruto paid the bill. They walked off, prepared to go to their homes, when suddenly Naruto felt it was awkward. Bob didn't have a home.

"Hey...Bob? Do you want a house?" Naruto asked bluntly. To his surprise Bob shook his head. "R-Really? We could build you one pretty easily! All you have to do is ask!"

"That's right, Bob-san! I'd even help the guys build it!" Kiba cheered. Bob looked deeply touched. His crinkled face formed a bright smile.

"Thank you, but I like living like this."

"Really?" Naruto and Kiba stared wide-eyed.

"It's a simple life and I love Konoha. I feel like I can be a part of everyone's lives by always being out here," he spoke and waved as he wandered off into the park.

Naruto sniffled.

"What a wise old man!" he grabbed Kiba and pretended to sob into his shoulder.

"Get off me, baka!"

"But Kiba...!" Naruto whined.

"Save it for Neji!"

"M-Maybe I will!" Naruto looked away and blushed. He couldn't help it. Every time he thought of Neji he thought of that naked picture of Neji – in which his lovely ass was on display – and he couldn't help if that affected him horribly.

"Hahaha! I knew you were a flamin' faggot!" Kiba shouted rudely, and yet he managed to keep a big smile on his face.

"Whaaaaaaaa? Lair! You see me with girls all the time!"

"Yeah, but you've got the hots for Neji. Neji's a GUY!" Kiba bared his fangs as he grinned even wider.

"And so what? That makes you_ happy?" _the blonde looked at him in disgust.

"Hell yeah! I'd love it if you turned out to be the biggest homo in town!"

"WHAT?"

Kiba snickered to himself and refused to answer any more. The truth was that ever since Kiba had realized he liked girls, every girl he had liked had fallen for Naruto. In a sense, the Hokage was the bane to his existence. Even if he got a girl, he'd lose her as soon as she met Naruto, which was very likely to happen since he worked so close to him. He snickered evilly. Every time Naruto would ask he what he was laughing about, Kiba would only yell profanely at him and laugh even harder.

"Waaaaah! Neji would never say those cruel words to me! He's always nice and polite and saying stuff like 'Hokage-sama this, and Hokage-sama that'! I MISS NEJI!" Naruto cried and Kiba continued to verbally abuse him in revenge for all the women he had stolen from him in the past without even knowing it.

* * *

"Neji-nii-san! Nii-san! Answer the door! Please!" Hinata pounded on the door and called after Neji repeatedly. She was worried sick after him. He hadn't left his room for two hours. She stopped knocking and left. She came back moments later with the key to his room and fumbled with them before opening his door.

She stormed in like a mighty heroine looking everywhere for her cousin. He was no where in sight and still didn't respond to her calls. Then she heard water running.

The door to the bathroom was slightly ajar. She looked at it nervously before pushing the thing open.

"Neji!"

He was sitting in the shower, completely naked just letting the water run over his body. The water had long ago become cold. She rushed over to him and propped him up a bit. She did blush a bit at seeing him naked, but did everything she could to avoid looking too much. He needed help right now, and in any case she could never look at him in that way.

"Nii-san, please get up. You'll catch a cold," her soft pixie's voice reached his ears, but he refused to respond and only stared forward with the same blank expression on his face.

She had no choice but to lift him up herself. He was much taller than her, so this was a strange and difficult feat to perform. She quickly got him a towel and tried to dry him off. She set him on his bed gently and got another towel to dry his sopping wet hair.

"Oh, Neji...this is awful..." she said sympathetically as she carefully dried his hair. She knew how much he loved to take care of himself.

"Thank you...w-wife..." he croaked out as if his throat was sore from crying.

Hinata continued to dry his hair silently, sadly thinking about how their lives would be if her father's demands became reality.

Naruto and Neji's weekends could not have been more different. Naruto spent most of his weekend hanging out with Kiba. They joked and teased each other the whole time. Both decided that the "woman" in the picture could be no other than Neji. This disturbed Kiba to no end. If one of the models in the magazines he so loved to read was a man who knows how many _others_ where. Thus, forming a reason for Naruto to tease Kiba. Kiba didn't even have to try to tease Naruto. It was so obvious he was having his own fantasies about a naked Neji on his bed.

Meanwhile, Neji suffered intensely with Hinata. He finally had someone he could trust and care about in his family and now that had to be ruined by him becoming engaged to her. His uncle didn't care at all about how they felt and went on like he was doing them a favor. On top of that, Neji _did _catch a cold from being in the cold shower for so long. He spent most of his Sunday in bed, being taken care of by Hinata, while Hanabi and Hiashi merrily planned their wedding like a pair of conniving devils.

* * *

ZOMG! HYUUGACEST! dJASDIUEH! OH NOES!


	6. Don't Ask, Don't Tell

**Pairings:** NaruNeji! KAWAII!

**Warnings: **More crack, espionage, and secrets.

**Author's Notes: **Ok! In response to reviews: Yes, I totally took a sharp weapon (such as a machete) and butchered Neji's character. It was fun and I can't say I regret it. Crack is crack. What can I say? The next message is for any possible prudes (no offense, I just don't know what to call you) in the audience. How much sex would bother you guys? Let's do this the democratic way! A POLL!

**A.** This story should have hot man sex.

**B. **This story should subtly allude to hot man sex that is happening out of view.

**C.** This story should be kept clean and cute. Afterwards, we can imagine our own smut.

**D.** EWW! PLZ! NO GAY KISSES! (Wtf are you doing here? Btw, I've actually recieved reviews like this before.)

You know in multiple choice questions there's always one answer that obviously wrong and you throw out. Anyway! Please pick an answer when you review. There is no wrong answer (except for the one that's wrong). LOL! Wtf am I saying? God, I love coffee. Read and review!

(hands out crack)

* * *

**Don't Ask, Don't Tell**

This Monday morning was greeted with much more excitement than usual. Kiba and Naruto sprang out of bed, eagerly awaiting their meeting with Neji. Kiba had to turn the Hokage over to the Hyuuga for the rest of the week, but he promised him he would do plenty of research in this "Centerfold Neji" conspiracy while he was away. Who knew where else the young, dark-haired man would show up?

They grinned the whole way while walking to the Hokage Building. As expected, Ino was with Neji when they got there. The four exchanged greetings as they walked into the building. When they reached the elevator, Ino and Kiba stayed behind.

The wolf-masked man and Naruto exchanged a long glance. They were on the same wavelength. Kiba chuckled in amusement and winked knowingly at the other man. Even though he was wearing a mask, the gesture was somehow understood by Naruto. He winked back and identical grins spread across their faces. They were grins that said '_We know something you don't know!',_ or maybe even _'Heeheehee...We saw Neji naked!'_

In either case, the somber Hyuuga didn't notice at all. He was far too busy thinking about how his life was going down the drain. Ino took note of their behavior, but was too irritated to do anything other than sigh heavily. Walking over here with Neji had been all too boring and she was ready to bitch to someone about it. When the pair of ANBU left, Naruto pressed the elevator button. He was giddy as a schoolboy, ready to pounce on Neji at any moment.

"So, Neji..." he couldn't stifle the laugh that came as soon as he opened his mouth, "H-How was your weekend?"

"Fine."

"Fine? As in, great! Wonderful? Or fine as in…" The elevator opened and Naruto inwardly cheered when he saw it was empty. He followed Neji as he entered the elevator. "Fine as in…"

"Fine as in…" Naruto was breathing down the Hyuuga's delicate neck. He didn't even have an end to his sentence, he just wanted to touch and kiss the Hyuuga. His lips descended, but only met air.

"Stop that, _now_."

"What? N-Neji?" Naruto leaned back, stunned and disappointed. "But…"

Neji stood cold as ice. He was not in the mood for this. Normally he would rejoice over Naruto lusting for him, but now was not the time. At the end of the day, his life was already planned out for him. Sleeping with Naruto would only make his predestined agony all the worse.

Naruto cleared his throat, suddenly feeling like a total pervert. However, he completely missed the sadness hovering over his guard. The elevator door opened and he emerged with a grin on his face as if nothing had happened.

"Oi! Nori-chan!"

"Good morning, Hokage-sama!" She giggled, holding a folder in her hand. She spared Neji a glance as a greeting.

"Ahhh! Another Monday! Have you got anything important for me there?" the Hokage pointed at the folder.

"Yes, sir!" she handed over the folder in her hands and reached in her files to give him a few more. "There's some information in there about your next trip. It sounds very exciting! There are a few more miscellaneous files in there as well."

"Ah, thank you," He nodded. "Now…For more important things…how was your…date?"

Nori shied away, and batted hers eyes once or twice. "Oh, Naruto. I don't kiss and tell."

The good-natured start of the morning was carried on as the Hokage walked to his office with a laugh. He seemed to have completely forgotten about how Neji rejected him earlier. The Hyuuga resumed his guard position silently to the side.

"Hmm…" Naruto flipped through his folder. "Wow! This is great! Looks like we'll be going to the Hidden Metal Village!"

Neji opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it again.

Naruto leaned over and pushed the intercom button. "Nori-chan!"

"Yes, Hokage-sama?" she answered.

"Can I get a donut in here? And some coffee? I need nourishment!"

"Right away." Click.

Over donuts and coffee, Naruto read over the details of the trip. "OK…It seems they have a special request to make from Konoha and Suna. YAY! We'll probably see Gaara then…Let's see…Um, Neji?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama?"

Naruto gave him a long, scrutinizing stare. "Is something wrong? You're so quiet."

"No, sir."

"Kay!" Oblivious to the signs of inner turmoil, Naruto read on, "This is a highly technologically advanced village…They concentrate their power on...economics rather than military might…hmm…"

"Naruto?"

"Yes?" the blonde looked up, noting how the Hyuuga called him by his first name.

"How…how long will we be gone?"

"Good question!" Naruto flipped through the pages. He found the estimated time, but his eyes caught on the folder just beneath the one he was examining. The file read: _Hyuuga, Neji. Mental Health Records._

"Uhhhhhhhhh…….." Naruto drew a blank and tried to recover. "It says…..Time for the trip is indefinite. It's one of those things where you stay as long as you need to get the job done. To reach…an agreement."

Neji was silent, but gave a nod. His mind began working slowly to try and think of a solution to get out of his unwanted marriage vows. Naruto, meanwhile, had begun reading the other file. It was from a psychologist. Neji had been visiting a psychologist for two years. The folder was full of paper from each one of his sessions. Messy blue writing by the counselor was scrawled out on each sheet.

_Hyuuga Neji_

_Patient's concerns:_

_-On missions, complains of receiving injuries that do not exist_

_-Concerned about an increased amount of anxiety and lack of sleep  
_

_-Spends an unhealthy amount of time engaging in abnormal rituals_

_-Clearly suffers from repressed emotions_

Naruto looked up and felt almost as if he was invading Neji's privacy. He blinked and wondered if he should send him out. As if Nori had read his mind, there was a beep on his intercom.

"Sorry to disturb, Hokage-sama, but I need Neji to go down to get a physical."

Neji looked up to Naruto, and Naruto hesitated before pressing the intercom button. "He's all yours, Take care of him, Nori-chan."

"Yes, sir!"

"Bye…Uzumaki-san…" Neji said before leaving the office. Before going on trips, it was necessary to check his guards to make sure they were fit to travel with the Hokage.

Naruto eagerly got back to his reading, this time reading the blue notes and comments. He skimmed and flipped through many pages.

_Seems elitist…Very concerned about being stronger than everyone in his family. Hostile at mentions of Hyuuga Traditions. _

_Harbors many secret (perhaps violent) desires...Does not confide in members of his family.  
_

Naruto was drawn in with every line. Especially the next.

_I'd expect a mental breakdown from him at this rate._

Naruto flipped back.

_Has an unusual obsession with foxes…Seems to be hiding something very dark…has yet to speak of romantic life and exudes homosexual tendencies. Homosexuality could be a cause of anxiety(?)_

_Spends 3 hours in the bathroom a day. Mostly washing hair. His list of beauty products is overwhelming. Seems to be trying to be more and more feminine…_

_Conversation strays to romance and patient once again gets uncomfortable. Never speaks of women without contempt, boredom, or discomfort. Definitely a virgin._

Naruto leaned back in reproach. This psychologist seemed a little cruel. Not only that, but Naruto wondered if all the things written in the file were true.

_Breakthrough. Patient has confessed to have a passionate affection for…_

"Me…" Naruto sighed.

_Very obsessive._

_Patient is improving with proscribed medications. Has limited bathing and skincare to one and a half hours a day…Notably less anxious. Very good! _

_Continued medication encouraged._

* * *

"You're looking good, Neji," Sakura said after pulling back her stethoscope. 

Neji nodded and stood to get his armor back. Sakura's eyes followed his body. No matter what his _inclinations_ were, Neji was attractive to just about anyone. Neji felt her eyes and tried not to shudder. "So, we're done?"

The door burst open before she could answer. Kiba grinned wildly, "NEJI! You done yet? HUH?"

He wrapped an arm around the man.

"KIBA! YOU CAN'T JUST BURST IN HERE!" Sakura screeched.

"Whatever, Sakura. Neji's my buddy!" Kiba chuckled evilly, thinking of the blackmail material he had on the man. Neji shoved him away roughly.

"What the hell are you doing touching me!" His angry pale eyes frightened the dog-boy. Kiba raised his hands defensively and felt a little hurt.

"Geez, Neige…" Kiba laughed nervously. "Sorry…I didn't mean it like..._that_…"

Neji sighed and put on his mask. The only man he wanted to touch him was Naruto. "Let's go."

* * *

"Naruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuto!" Kiba rushed into his office without knocking. "I'm so fuckin' stoked! Let's go on this trip already! The Hidden Metal Village! I bet it's great! Neji and I are ready!"

"Oh s-shit!" Naruto fumbled with the files in his hands and they dropped to the floor. Neji quickly went to help pick them up and Naruto swatted him away, but not before his eyes caught on a familiar file.

"Hokage-sama?" Neji asked with panic in his voice.

"W-What?"

"You were reading…my…"

"No I wasn't! I wasn't reading anything!" Naruto responded a little too quickly. "I don't know how to read!"

"What the hell are you guys talkin' about…" Kiba walked over to the desk and snatched up the files without asking. It only took one sheet of paper for Kiba to understand. "Ohhh…"

Neji kept quiet since he didn't know what else to do. He was so embarrassed and infuriated at the same time.

"Oh, big friggin' deal!" Kiba tossed the sheet back down. "We like you crazy, Neji!"

Naruto, sensing Neji's rising blood lust, laughed and tried to calm the situation. "Y-YEAH! And besides…you're still not as bad as Kiba! H-He's a pedophile!"

Neji was about to yell at the Hokage for such a feeble attempt at soothing the situation, when the blonde was punched in the face by Kiba.

"GOD DAMMIT, NARUTO! YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT!"

He stormed out the door with Neji's astonished eyes following him. Naruto chuckled and rubbed the spot on his cheek that would soon be turning into a bruise. He lifted his face to Neji with a grin. "Ehehehe….see? What'd I tell ya?"

* * *

Oh, Kiba. What _won't_ you do? 


End file.
